To what we have become

I stumbled upon a blog that said its important to journal your life yesterday and oh yes i thought, what happened to the blog you once had... so i just browse this and realize how silly i have been and also I seem to have had existential problems back then as well... hmm... much has changed.. life has changed.. your problems have changed.. people have changed.. With all that we know about how things change in 10-12 years, the thought i wanted to leave here is the fact that as a kid i used to read the news paper from head to toe , watch TV news etc. because i used to love following politics.. i liked to know what was happening in the world.. I used to appreciate the ways correspondents write news.. i used to think why they used 'X' word in the article instead of 'Y' word... one among my many childhood dreams was becoming a psephologist interpreting election results and giving insights to the general public..  I am saying all this because we somewhere believed 15-20 years back that the news narrative we received was true (to an extent it was true). Now we are at a stage where we are unable to differentiate between facts and fake news.. Reading news papers makes me miserable and I am at loss of words to explain how painful this is to someone who loved news and loved politics. Like my morning tea, newspapers were an essential part of growing up... awaiting supplements for each day, there was so much joy..  awaiting and finally getting an 'young world' on friday gave you so much joy.. what does kids of these days have to expect for every week? Read the news paper is the first good habit that is thought in schools those days... now i am afraid to say this to my son.. i dont want him to get sucked into the narrative that someone wants him to read.. i want to know the news but there is nobody i trust.. 

To the deeper question that this brings... apply the same to your own life... not all what others say about you is true even if you believe it is.. being constantly told you are good at something does not mean you are good at it.. i was also constantly told that i am not good at doing a particular activity but later i realised i have been branded so and made to believe so as well for their own advantages a narrative spreads since even you end up believing it.. So the thought is dont believe anyone at face value.. every word think and accept into your system or else eject.. times are such.. people are such.. Not sure whether we were being fed wrongly and we are beginning to realise only now ? or we were being fed rightly some 10-15 years back but world has became nastier place later, i am not sure.. I was a natural in trusting  people... now i run away from anyone who is seemingly nice.. on the contrary people who are slightly crooked interest me.. hehe.. 

How good were those days when the opinions of the news correspondents was confined only to the editorial page...? *sigh* 

And 

To what we all have become. 

A lyrical Masterpiece - Saagavaram

I have been resisting the temptation to post about the greatness of  Uthama Villian Songs particularly after several people accused me of being biased. However, I have ceased controlling the temptation simply because of  'Saagavaram' song. I am not sure whether any of you had the chance to listen to it. After listening (several times) to the song 'Saagavaram', something struck me and I found out today that this song is a masterpiece. I am not talking the music ( I know very little about music) , but the lyrics...  

To just give everybody a background, this song (i think) is being rendered by a theatre artist (who unfortunately has avoided death 5 times) to his king (who is adamant on being immortal) about life, death, rebirth and why immortality is a much worser situation than death. The lyrics are deep.. Very deep..I have tried to translate/give my views whereever possible. 

Saagaavaram pol sogam undo Kelai manna (kelai manna)...

Theeraa kadhaiyai ketpaar un do Kelai manna (kelai manna)....

[Is there a bigger sadness than having a boon to not be able to die ?

 Is there anyone who wishes to listen to an everlasting story ?]

Kaniyar kanitha kanakku padi naam kaanam ulagidhu vatta pandham (Oooo..)vatta pandham(Oooo..)

vatta pandhai vattamadikkum mattra pandhum pogum maande...

[ As per mathematicians's and scientist's , this earth is a round ball.. 

  The round balls (read other planets/satelites) that rotate this ball(earth) will perish one day]

Maala oliyaam nyayirum kooda matror yugathil pogum karindhe

Karindhe erindhum veditha pinnum udikkum kulambil uyirgal mulaikkum

[Even the Sun (which is thought to have constant source of light} will perish one day in a different yuga..

 However, life will emerge out of the debris of the burnt and destroyed sun (a la Big Bang theory)]

Mulaithu murikum thulirkum vaazhai thaan maranathuku ulle vetihadhu vidhayai 

[Even the plaintain plant provides for a seed of life when it dies]

Vidhaithidum unnai pol oru uyirai uyirthu vilangum en kavidhai vilangum kavidhai vilangum(Oooo..)

Vilangi pulangidum vamsam vaazha vaazhum naalil kadamai seiyya

seiyul pol oru kaadhal vendum Kaadhal vendum (seiyul pol oru )Kaadhal vendum (seiyul pol oru )

Vendiyathellam vaitha oruvan..saavayum vendi setha kadhaigal aayiram undu

[Self explanatory]

Its not over yet.. To give meaning and context to the song, even the lyrics are written in such a manner that the last word of the every sentence is the first word of the next sentence (i have highlighted by making the relevant words in 'bold') thus possibly bringing the meaning that every 'end'(death) has a 'beginning'(birth).. and every beginning has an end.. 

What lyrics !!! - 

SALUTE

P.S. - I am no Tamil Scholar..  I am just a fan of pure awesomeness. 

Resonances from the underground

'Did you hear that ?'

'That voice from the underground... ??'

'I think i know what that sound is... Its that boy there... he is upto something.'

'What ? Do you think he is started blogging again' 

'Bingo'. 

Despicable We ?

My mind takes me back to when I was a child. To give a background, this was during the time I began to understand the world around me. A stage in growing up when the innocence associated with childhood begins to wear off and slowly but surely the individual personality begins to take over. I was at the beach with my cousins around 9 PM (and those were the days when beach wasn't crowded) when couple of leprosy stricken people approached us and begged alms. And as my cousins started shadow searching in pockets and wallets, I blurted 'Change illa nga' and........... they went off... (probably, they expected this answer). 

Obviously I have heard the usage before.The great escape tool. I think we all have used this. At trains, at traffic signals, outside cinema halls, restaurants, temples etc. etc. Probably the only time I do not use this 'technique' is when hermaphrodites approach. At that insane moment, I almost always hand over whatever little cash I have with me. Once,  I even handed over a 'surutified' 100 Rupee note as it was the only cash I had with me that day. At the mere sight of them , my brain stops functioning and I start panicking instantly. (Though I must clarify, I do not have any hatred towards that 'community' but then I have seen some badly behaved individuals who I would like to believe are not representative samples for the entire population)

So.. As we talk about brains.. I would like to digress.. 

I am digressing here to understand how does one(rather the supposedly 'unbiased' brain) form an opinion about something. Why is that something that is acceptable for X is not acceptable for Y. Seriously, this human brain often astonishes me. It fascinates me simply because the voice inside it takes sides and argues (at least for me) .  I am not sure how many of you do this, but then I have this standard set 'process' (This might be comical, but I still run the risk of blogging about it). This is something that subconsciously runs within me which is why people often find me staring at some object for long periods of time with a straight face. I let myself do this and I let the thoughts in auto-pilot mode.

I have given a process chart (prepared poorly in MS Word of course {did you notice that green underline ?}) of how I form an opinion or how I think I form an opinion. It basically begins with me having this primary assumption. Then, I scan across people who might have alternate views and find out their reasons. I let myself to be deeply influenced by this thought of others. I voluntarily empathize to that different point of view. My cortex ponders over it for sometime and I let it park there for sometime. The only instruction I give it is to tell it to be unbiased. And later, the most important part of it is to try to forget about it after some pondering. And suddenly, unpredictably out of the blue I have this opinion of mine ready. That opinion of mine is being served to me by my brain at unimaginable situations(It comes  Boom.. Like 'Love' in the movie 'Azhagiya Theeye'). It might be  at work, at traffic, at the couch while watching TV, at the coffee break, or surprisingly even during some other discussion. However, there are some issues that I find very difficult to form an opinion and its been pending  for eons. Like for example, I do not have an opinion on Euthanasia.  I do not know whether I am for or against it. 

But then some years back, I did form my own opinion on one topic named charity. Several questions arise on charity and issues around it. Acts of charity have been documented since the beginning of recorded history, yet even now in the most democratic and economically advance nations charity is still necessary. Does this mean charitable acts are failing to affect meaningful change? Should Charity even be the responsibility of individual citizens or is it the obligation of Government? Do hand outs make people lazy and dependent instead of resourceful and responsible for their own livelihoods? Is it every man for themselves or are we all in this together? Some really tough questions to answer. 

The interesting Ayn Rand lexicon of Charity is as follows.

"My views on charity are very simple. I do not consider it a major virtue and, above all, I do not consider it a moral duty.There is nothing wrong in helping other people,if and when they are worthy of the help and you can afford to help them. I regard charity as a marginal issue. What I am fighting is the idea that charity is a moral duty and a primary virtue"

I don't advocate it. However its interesting. It takes a dig at the people who take pride in showing that they are doing Charity. Yes. The sad part is Charity is supposed to be the among the noblest of acts. Sadly, even charity is done in to obtain cheap publicity.  Other lexicons on charity including our local paati amma version that is 'Thanakku minji thaan dhaanam'. I am completely in concurrence with it. Have sufficiently for yourself and give whatever is left after your requirements. True that. You don't want to be a pauper yourself after giving whatever you have. 

There is theory that is called 'Karma' theory. Simply put , this is what Rajinikant tells to the kids in a song in the movie, 'Raja Chinna Roja' where the kids go to the forest and help plucking out a thorn from the legs of an wounded Elephant. Later , they tie a cloth around a monkey and light a fire in its tail. The fire spreads. The Elephant then sprays water to help them fight the fire. So.. Rajinikant sings.. (there is a catch in this). 

"... Nanmai ondru seitheergal.. Nanmai vilaindadu... :) Theemai ondru seitheergal... Theemai vilaindadu..:(... Theemai seivathai vituvittu nanmai seiya thodangugal..."  

Perfect example for Karma Theory

There are lot of people who do lot of atrocities in this world. They are frauds in their respective fields. They even accept that they are white collared dacoits. Their way of washing out their sins is by donating significantly towards charity of what they earn illicitly. However, they fail to understand there is no set-off in the theory of Karma. Even in the above mentioned song, the good act and the bad act does not set-off. Both occurs. These are self-imposed charity work done to wash their own sins. Its not an act of charity done from the heart.

My lexicon of charity might be quite confusing. It might seem as though it is not charity at all. For, I do not pay the beggars. My idea of dropping an one rupee or a two rupee coin in to the hands of torn blanket stricken people on pavements is highly inconsistent. Some day, I might. Some day, I won't. However there is one act that I am very consistent. 

I visit this old lady who pulls her cart and sells fruits and vegetables in Mylapore market. Seriously, there is no point arguing with her for the price. I see people coming in foreign cars start a big tantrum of being charged an extra 5 rupees. Where are our values ?  I don't find it worthwhile to argue with this Auto wallah who asks Rs. 10 extra to the meter. If only ,you had not argued, you would have reached your destination earlier.(I do agree there are unreasonable autowallah's but there are genuine one's too). Even the sundal or mango guy at the beach. The guy who provides tea in the afternoon. The lady who sells train timetable in trains. The guy who sells soda on the road side. etc. etc. 

Yes. I don't bargain. Its my way of being charitable. 

In my opinion, its deplorable if we bargain to such people.You need not make huge donations. Small acts like not bargaining can be charity. What are we going to achieve by saving that 5 or 10 Rs. Seriously, look at yourself. What is your definition of Charity ? Are you being philanthropic only for 80G ? or to wash of your sins ? or to have your name at the top of list of donors in any building ?. If yes, so cheap of you. You are not BCCI. Are you ? 

P.S. - BCCI wanted to be a charitable organisation for tax purposes.  

An ode to the greatest draw and to the romance of test cricket

Dedicated to : 

The lovers of Test Cricket.

Preface: 

This is 'heavily inspired' by several poems written earlier on cricket. (and by 'heavily inspired' - You should have got the message.. :P ). Also, Kindly apologize me for my basic English errors and also for putting something as an ode without using rhyming words.(Frankly, I did not get many).

An ode to the greatest draw and to the romance of test cricket  

  

There was a breathless hush in the Close tonight –

Sixteen to make and the match to win –

A bumping pitch and a blinding light,

3 overs to play and the bowlers in.

The wild bowler thought he must bowl short,

The batsman thought he must not be bowled,

They knew that, if they both fail,

Their team shall perish unconsoled.

They all would have  mourned if the game had a different result,

The batsman and the bat, the bowler and the ball, the umpire, the pavilion clock, 

The roller, pitch, and stumps, and all.

And hence the result in the end was fair.. But before that we did see..

The joy that reigned in the Pavilion,

And gladness amongst their clan

While thousands breathed good wishes round the bull ring;

Admirers dubbed the youngsters

As respective go to men;

In ABD's, Pujara's and Kohli's play they saw the genuine ring.

It was well worth spending time to see

Illustrious Zak's smile,

Also when Ishant, Shami and Vernon

zipped the ball with style .

Block, block, block

At the foot of thy wicket, O Faf Du!

And I would not let my tongue utter the word

boredom. You were in the Zone!

Greatest Draw ??

So hopeless the bowlers became, my boy,

With each ball the way you play!

Oh, nice for yourself, I suppose,

That you stick at the wicket all day!

And the clock's slow hands go on,

And you still keep up ye sticks;

Block, block, block,

At the foot of thy wicket, Of Faf Du!

Just 10 more minutes in the middle of Bull Ring! 

You would have been a bigger Superstar!

               

 Not surprising that one of ye coaching staff is a master in getting run-out!

 They still taunt him at the bar, They still shout.. " Run Allan Run", 

 Was tempted did I like others today to call out.. " Run Vernon Run". 

Sadly, the decision had already been made :( 

                         

 But oh! did we see a lift of a smiting hand ?  And the sound of a swipe for six ?

 The answer is we did from Dale,

 But as Jackman put it.. they were timid during the end,

 It was a far too late and it ended up as a drawn tale !!!

 What a match.. We must celebrate this great game..

 and Play up ! play up ! and play the game !

P.S. - In my humble opinion, this SA vs India test match at the bull ring was one of the best test matches I have ever seen and without doubt the best drawn game I have seen. It was not great just because it ended up being very close contest but because of many other reasons including the fact this match was played with very good spirit (unlike a series that's been happening down under) but fiercely competitive. I think that the cricket that we saw was of the highest quality and both teams raised their level and tried out-thinking the other team every over, every ball. This will go down in history as one of the greatest games ever played. A great advertisement for the game. The real game. Love you Test Cricket. 

The Serendipity Debate

A lot of etymology has been hitting me often nowadays. One such word was 'Serendipity'. It was surprising to know that the origin of the word was from Sri Lanka. Also I got to know that this is an 'onomatopoeic' word i.e. the formation or use of words such as buzz or murmur that imitate the sounds associated with the objects or actions they refer to. Other such words as I understand are splash , spray , sprinkle , drizzle and many more. It seems the word was invented by the writer and politician Horace Walpole in 1754 as an allusion to an old name for Sri Lanka. Walpole explained to one of his main correspondents that he had based the word on the title of a fairy tale, the heroes of which ‘were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things they were not in quest of ’. Incidentally, the original Persian name for Sri Lanka (and in earlier times Ceylon) was a corruption of the Sanskrit word, Sinhaladvipa which as we all know literally meant ‘the island where lions dwell’. 

Etymology apart, I am sure there have been tons of debates on this subject (mine is just one more), but I am presuming that the we as a society have not deep dived into this as we have done with other similar topics , for e.g. say atheism. Here I am just trying to figure out some answers for some common queries in the ensuing paragraphs. (Pardon my sophisticated language. I use words like 'ensuing paragraphs' in the memos that I write at workplace and it just keeps coming here too.) 

There are times when you feel you have no luck.Is it actually disguised envy ?

For the benefit of purists ,  as against what the title says , I actually want to talk about luck. Dictionary wise , I know there is hell a lot of difference between plain luck and serendipity. Since the word is used only in the dictionary, it is difficult for us to define serendipity. As I understand it, it is a situation of 'fortune' which 'accidentally' happens when you are actually looking for something else.That is important. 'To look for something else'. And hence, for you to be lucky serendipitous, you have to first 'look for something'. Yes. If you aren't looking for anything at all in the first place, and still you get something, then is it luck ?. It should not be. 

Is Luck the difference between your no work vs other's hard work ?

This brings me to the million dollar question as to whether something in the lines of  'luck' actually exists ? Or is it just an illusion ? Whatever it  may be, for the layman like me, the words 'luck', 'serendipity', 'fortune' all mean the same thing and all means luck. I was in my final year of my college and nearing 20 when I first got a real shocker in terms of 'luck'. For the first time in my life, I heard someone say 'I do not believe in luck'. I did not how to react, and hence my mind mechanically decided to release the familiar and the most used emotion of mine called anger. There was rage sweeping across me. How could someone not believe in luck ? I just could not understand this. Isn't luck so very apparent everywhere ? How could someone not appreciate it ? I could understand the lack of faith in the almighty but luck , I was just not (ready) for it.

The argument was plain simple. "If you say you believe in luck , you are in reality projecting your envy by a word called luck". At that age, I was probably not open to such interpretations. Now I find logic in that argument of his, though not completely. My version is , one could still be in awe (not envious) of a person, even though he or she believes that person is lucky. Why not ? 

Looking at luck from the perspective of sports. You are the batsman and a normally very good slip fielder in the opposition drops a lollypop of a catch of yours. What will you call this situation as ? I will and certainly everyone will call it luck.  I also have this nonsensic logic that, if you are a batsman, you will appreciate what luck is. -( This is just my random thought and has never been tested.)

Suppose you are a big fan of someone, and despite desperate attempts to meet he/she , you have not been able to. However in a random flight, you find that person seated next to you. Aren't you simply plain lucky ??How can the 'no luck' notion fit here. ?  (Enakku indha maadiri questions ellam varudhu)

Attributing Dhoni's sucess to plain luck alone is atrocious

Being lucky as I see it is when those '50-50' moments go your way. Take for example the Midas touch man, Mr. Dhoni. He has been at the receiving end of so many accolades but deep down everybody feels he has done nothing different from his predecessors but he has been lucky. I do admit certainly that in this case the word 'luck' is cruel. Its just one word , but it degrades all that skill and humongous efforts that this man has put. To an extended extent, its very true. Very unfair on the man, is it not ?

If you ask me, there is only one way (the Kamal Hassan way) to answer the million dollar question -  "Do you believe in luck ?" . The answer -  " I am not saying I believe in luck , but I would like to believe there exists no luck.! :P"

Half

Statutory Warning: This post is yet another self introspection report card from me to myself. I can understand that there is not even a tinge of that tone of surprise in you the reader and hence you can choose not to read it further.....

(But.. if u have decided to plunge, so be it... ) As already said , this is yet another attempt from me to look at myself from a distance, observe and correct. Too much of self introspection is certainly not good for oneself and I know it from experience. However, being the loner that I am , I am finding it hard to kick the habit. At the end of every day, I end up doing  this 360 degree feedback.(See, being in the corporate world for some time now , I surely can speak some of that lingo).

First thing that I have noticed in myself is some achievement for which I am both happy and sad at the same time. What may be that mighty achievement ?. The answer is I have substantially lost my temper. I nowadays almost forget to get angry !. QED from workplace where I received a written feedback from a junior colleague stating that I am the most calm person in the team. Funny ! but people who know me from my school days would vouch for that abrasive fury I used to emit. Isn't it good to have lost that ? That is the question that comes up in my mind often. I am proud of it but at the same time I must admit that there is tinge of sadness due to the fact that I think I have lost the rage a tad too much and I sometimes now feel I have lost my identity in some way. Honestly, there was never a conscious effort from my end to reduce the anger. The only probable reason could be to avoid that miserable feeling you get after getting angry.

 There is relevance to the previous paragraph since its a SIGNIFICANT change in me..(that caps was intended). And.. I am looking forward to more such changes. If this change could be possible (sans efforts) , why not with other aspects in me with efforts is what my post is all about. There is context to everything that happens around me right now and I realise that I am at a very peculiar position in my life where I have not been before.

I now realise that I have some strengths.Like this one for eg , I can confidently say I am definitely a notch above quite a number of people in appreciating and understanding a creative work be it either Tamil(even among Tamil students who scored 200 out of 200 in board exams , and I cannot write Tamil)  or English. I have observed people who really are dumb in appreciating a creative work (who are otherwise brilliant at studies or at work!). Weird. I am abstaining myself from quoting real life examples since I do not want to go back to having bad temper.

I know I am a notch above the crowd in appreciating a game of cricket.I am completely aware of facts.Unlike the majority, I know why a batsmen takes guard. I know why the sight screen is important. I know what reverse swing is.(And I know a lot of 'brilliant' people who have different theories on what reverse swing is, like this tall brilliant bespectacled guy who thinks reverse swing is when the ball moves backwards (reverses aam) after pitching !!). I know some serious stuff about some cricketers. If someone says, Dale Steyn can swing the ball both ways, I would ask since when ?. Dale Steyn has been and will always bowl outswingers (to Right handers) only. It is only his teammate and counterpart Vernon Philander who can swing the ball both ways. Of course Steyn can straighten and also reverse the ball (Proper reverse I mean :P).  I can appreciate a tense situation in the game. I can grasp what a bowler is trying and how the batsmen is countering and vice versa. Also, when technical points are discussed in Star Cricket(no other channel discusses technical points), I am able to understand ! Also , I can easily say whether a batsman or a bowler has learned from his mistake.

Coming to life other than cricket , I now understand that I have a different perspective from the others.I am more towards values. I am a 'means' guy more than the 'ends' guy. For me means are far more important than ends. Very complex but true.Also, I have some non-negotiable points. I cannot tolerate haughtiness. I have instant hatred to any individual who emits haughtiness.I develop instant hatred to any person who is rude.Even worse, I cannot tolerate Idiocy also (as I said above). But why I am saying all this ?. Its because, even though I feel all this , I do not go and express this to that person. I keep it to myself and release words only when I feel it is absolutely necessary. I go through the pain called toleration. This is where I feel , I should be more assertive and open up. A scope for improvement.

Also, I am a fan of subtlety and subtexts. Not sure how many of you are. I like it when something is said and done in a subtle manner. Yes, you may not understand at first and ignore , but if you understand the subtle inner message , the impact is high, much higher than if you dump it on the face. The problem with being outright is , it works but  I doubt whether it has the same impact. Being outright can sometimes turn against you unlike being subtle and saying what you say in subtexts. This is exactly where my limitations sort of begin. I can understand subtexts and interpret many of them but I need help in picking all the subtexts.So, I am half here.

Over the years, people have said that I can write. I know I can write but at the same time I know I do not possess that flair in writing that you expect from professionals.Even worse, there are some words I do not know the meaning at all (ask me to speak , my English is even worse). I do not know the basics of grammar. Ask me what is Adverb, Subject, Object etc in a sentence, I would be blinking. That's precisely the problem.So, I am half here too.

From the Economic Times campaign - A Half cheats himself more than others

 Come to workplace, I know the law , but the finer points , I don't know them all. Also , I keep forgetting. I need to be constantly in touch with it to understand. That 'technical' knowledge in work ,the fact that I don't know the full stuff rather the necessary stuff is sort of making me feel low.(I link again. These technically brilliant guys express idiocy when they talk about any creative work. That I am not able to fathom at all.) Also I am total sothapifier with regard to numbers.Also my concentration span is very limited. Here is where my diffidence comes from. The fact that  I realise I possess only half knowledge in this aspect... Then comes the important question as to why do we need to know more than half ?. Probably because of the confidence (real not fake) that it gives you. Also you have no excuse in not knowing it.

There are other doubts and questions I have too.. Are everybody Half somewhere ? Whether this phenomenon is with me alone ? and other confusing questions...... Whatever it may be, but at the end of it all,  I would say that I understand that  there are places where I know that I am much much better, but at the same time there are places where I am not in sync at all .........

Again from Economic Times campaign - The Problems of being Half

.....And that is why I confidently say I am now a Half.  I will let you all know (including myself) if and when I have made some journey towards full.Yes. I wanted a place to inscribe the promise that I made to myself (to not be half) so that I am constantly reminded of the target and warned of deviations. 

Hence this Half.

The Intermission 

A Good day to die easy

"I need you to understand Aparna... Its not going to be possible..." whispered his son-in-law. Aparna took a deep breath for the news to sink in. She murmured back " Lets not tell him now.... though being him , he might have already known." Saket did not overhear this conversation, but knew what news was being transmitted and instantly felt uneasy and different. Sensing that her father was still gazing  from the glass window at both of them , Aparna paused the 'hush-hush' conversation , looked at her father, smiled gently and raised her thumbs. Saket just smiled back from inside. Somewhere deep within her, Aparna knew that her father knew.

Saket clad in green from top to bottom now twisted to the other side of his hospital bed and began staring at the blank wall. Uneasiness was beginning to hit him hard. He began to sweat. It seemed his body released  epinephrine, norepinephrine and dozen other fear hormones at the same time. Saket, aged 70 has been fighting his battle with a peculiar disease for which he was undergoing several tests and little treatment at the hospital where his son-in-law is a doctor.

...........

The door opened."Apologies for being late Deepak. My wife insisted on me having the dinner before I left".

"Not at all sir. No problem."

Deepak pulled a wooden chair for Raja to sit. "Not unusual that there is a huge hype surrounding it... Is it not sir ?" asked Deepak . Raja ,his superior nodded his head , looked down at his footwear, dug in his toe , and pushed a pile of dust that had accumulated in the last 15 days. "I am just proud and happy to be part of history." Raja replied. He stood up from his wooden chair, went across the storage section and caressed his hands slowly at thickly wrapped books and continued " Media does help. In our case , more money."

Raja breathed in the aroma of newly bound books.He had done the same for four previous editions of it. He bent down the racks to check whether the bundles were properly tied and in the process caused the contents of his shirt pocket(Paper bits, visiting cards, Restaurant bills etc) to fall on the dirty floor.Among the fallen items ,he picked up only his visiting cards. He blew out the dust , wiped them by caressing it along his chest and kept it back in his pocket. Other fallen items continued to lie on the floor though.

Raja thought himself to have a much more significant role in his job than the designation printed on his visiting card which read as " Raja Mukherjee : Warehouse Manager , Bloomsbury Publications India - Central Warehouse , Kolkatta ".Today he felt, he was informally given a responsibility from the management."Bring on the mattress, its time we get some sleep.. We have a busy day tomorrow. More books are on the way." said Raja with pride.  "Yes sir.Give me a minute..". Raja observed the ceiling fan above and managed to find some spider webs."Bring a wet cloth too, we need to wipe the fan before we lie under it".
"Ok sir."

...........                                                                        

Saket was game for a midnight adventure.The night was regular , like many other nights , nothing special or extraordinary. Saket had worked his way through the gates like a regular and nobody could detect. He moved without a single pause and was outside the ever crowded hospital (which represented a mall) in five minutes. Having no other option, he decided to take his son-in-law's old green-and-blue bike. 

His ride was liberating and after having traveled for over an hour, he decided to stop by an old rusted building. He looked for passerby's and found none except some sleeping stray dogs. He pulled of his coat and went to the rear side of the building and broke in. The darkness notwithstanding , he courageously strolled along. 

.........

Raja had been waiting for the second lot to arrive for close to 2 hours in the morning. He then received a call from his superior informing him that no new books would be arriving due to a policy change. There would however be a review of warehouse around noon by delegates before further books arrived. The release date had been postponed. 

Bloomberg Global , had its own reservations before releasing the book in India. The piracy market was rampant and humongous. They had also to content with the population that would be reading it online. They went ahead with a reasonable pricing strategy. They went ahead because there was demand, and there was no doubt about it. The release of the book was much talked about even a year before it was supposed to release. Delegates from the parent company were sent overnight to several Indian locations to monitor theft and piracy. No new books would arrive until the delegates reported back favorably. 

Raja went back home , had a bath. His wife had prepared a sumptuous brunch. He refused it as he had to go back to the warehouse before noon. 

.........

Saket came back to his room quietly without anybody noticing but knew that his adventure will just start and will be an exciting one. What he didn't know was that he had just found more than a new friend after a long long time, the book in his hand; a friend for the remaining lifetime and metaphorically his future love. There was temptation though to read the last page. He had never done that before. And, he said to himself that he will never do it again."People who read the last page first have no life", he mumbled. He resisted the temptation and began his joy ride.

Page by page , he did read... Line by line, he did enjoy.... Word by word, he did relish.... Hour by hour.. he took six....And when the seventh had just began and he came to the last chapter....

..........

Officials from the management came to the warehouse around noon and immediately the inventory counting took place. A book was missing. Raja recounted them all. He bent down at the same place as he had done the previous night and to his surprise found the plastic cover in open mode.

                                   

The other contents of his shirt pocket were still there. Could it be the work of rodents ? Then how could an entire book vanish ?. Several questions were posed at Raja. He was perplexed and so was Deepak. A police FIR was lodged.Media broke open the news almost immediately. Needless to say Raja and Deepak were reprimanded.

.........

.....2 pages.....

Patience was running out. " Just 2 more..." he said to himself. His hands began to shiver. Tears flowed from his eyes. The concentration fluttered and he paused. He composed himself and re-read the page.

... Last page... 

He felt gloom and happiness at the same time.

... Last paragraph... 

Saket now knew that Harry lived. He also knew it much before the world knew. He had done it. He knew the end. Saket shut the book and looked upwards....... Little did he fuss for the excruciating pain that hit him couple of minutes later when life left him.

THE END

The Numbers from the Hidden Treasure..

I am right now attempting something similar to what Mark Zuckerburg supposedly did at his hostel room at Harvard University ( as portrayed in the film 'The Social Network'). I am right now Blogging and replying to birthday wishes on FB in two different tabs at the same time by switching tabs often...(Writing codes and blogging simultaneously was astonishing multitasking atrocity... ).I really like people who wish on Birthdays because , I don't. Sometimes I do.. Sometimes I don't. I don't remember birthdays until I open my facebook page through web.. I mostly FB through the phone and the FB app does not display birthdays on the front page and hence I miss wishing a lot of people... Hmmm.. A lot of my school friends..

So much has happened in the past 2 months... The least interesting of them all was I shifted home.. Not necessarily surprising.. It was special though... We 'discover' hidden 'treasures' during shifting , don't we ? Something very very special... Guess what ? I found my Class IX and X Report Card. The pages of class X were missing though.. So here it goes.. My Class IX Report Card and assessment remarks by the loathed Prathima Sharma Miss...  Wow..

Ha ha.. Treasure...  Nostalgic.

Those were the days where I was consistent. Yes. Consistent non performance.. I was getting some amazing scores.. kidding.. Some of the scores were too pathetic as you can see...

Those red underlines are the periodic class tests I failed.... See that 2.5 out of 20...?? Lol...  

This one is my Favorite page...  Wow... I have got a ZERO !! ROFL... 

My Overall Average was less than 40 in Maths and Science during Class IX. 

Very Very Honest comments from my Class Teacher... 

Courtesy my scores , I was promoted to Class X (what an achievement) based on an undertaking.. Warning Promotion ! 

There are a couple of interesting things here. You could have noticed that my father has never signed my report card. It was always my mother. Not that she was considerate (she was equally livid as my father and had more 'vocabulary' than my father) but for my father it was an 'ego' issue. He could not sign for a son who had failed almost all exams.However somewhere in between my Class X , he started signing again.(not that my scores improved dramatically). He was obviously worried about my scores and had approached for a astrologer's consultation who informed him that it was that 'seven and a half' saturn that was spoiling my efforts and I was actually taking efforts.. ha ha..  The truth remains that I simply did not study well.. I just lost interest.. I was in haze..  Unlike others , (who thronged every tuition centre in mylapore for being Class topper) I used to bunk tuition classes and go to play cricket.. I used to attend tests and exams without preparations.. I was such a care free person... But then,  (surprisingly) I always felt in the back of mind , that if I put my backside to one place and study , I could beat them all hands down... ( That confidence completely vanished one day which is a completely different story about which  I have written a lot). Its just that I did not study then... I was not serious enough with my studies....

Even at that age , I could see the funny side of my failure.. Frankly , It meant nothing to me... I just could not fathom girls fighting for half a mark with teachers.. still cant digest.. I never used to check the totals when I receive my paper.. I used to see my favorite question (Favorite question would always be that enrichment question which would be outside the syllabus ), look at what marks the teacher gave for that answer of mine and then would judge the quality of that teacher and stuff my paper in my bag. How arrogant !.

This report card is precisely the reason why my school teachers and classmates look at me with awe now when I meet them and say to them now that I am a Chartered Accountant..... "I always knew u were brilliant.. its just that you were little out of track.." is what my Classmate Sivaram KP said after I cleared. I replied.. " If only you knew the efforts that went with it , you would not call me brilliant..".  (According to me , CA course is an average student's best friend...  CA course does not want your brilliance.. You being brilliant or not is totally irrelevant... It needs only your efforts...).

I want to dwell on the irrelevance of these marks.. What marks you get at school is totally irrelevant after you join college.What marks you get in college is totally irrelevant after you go to a Job..

Having said that , If only I could have concentrated on Maths during my School days , I would now be fast with numbers. I could have cleared my CA exams a little earlier with less efforts.. The love for numbers has vanished in me only because of my indifferent attitude towards studies at school. The only way to be good and fast with numbers is to constantly practice with numbers.. I had not done that for 7 years in school. And suddenly , you give me numbers in life , I am slow.. Not one day goes without repenting on my slowness with numbers.. Not that I did not have the skills but I just did not cultivate it. I just did not practice it when it had to be practiced..

I was one extreme in school... I just wish I could have taken the mid-path.. But If I had, that would have not been me... :)

Paper...

This post is not about Times of India but since the topic is 'paper' I am unable to ignore that daily soft porn magazine.Even though , TOI has no relevance to this post of mine , I feel this is worth sharing. Incidentally when Deccan Chronicle was first introduced in Chennai , it cost only Re 1 (Penetration Pricing) and I remember my college mates buying it before entering Udhayam theater so that it can be torn into pieces and thrown on the screen.Even though TOI is costlier than DC nowadays , these guys now prefer to buy TOI before entering theaters just for the pleasure of tearing it and throwing on the screen. Yes.. Just for the pleasure of tearing it. (A lesser known fact - Goli's are put on Goli Soda bottles just to give the drinker the pleasure / satisfaction / kick factor arising out of his effort of forcing the Goli inside the bottle.. ! )

What about Paper then ?.. No. I do not intend to dwell (bore you)on greenery , environment and sustainability . I want to focus on the present day corporate 'cultured' (really?) world and on the ....

The Dreaded 'P' Word :

I first heard this term when I was coming down to the work space after having a sumptuous lunch. I just did not understand. The post lunch stupor did not help either... I ignored. Then couple of days later , a colleague  of mine from a different team wanted to know about his crush in my team. He came to me and asked "ava pottutaala?"..... "enna pottutaala ?" .. "adhaan da..ava paper pottutaala ? ellarum pesikuraakaanga..".... I knew she resigned and hence could connect 'Paper podradu' and resignation. The exact origin of this idiom is  still unknown ( I have googled ) and I think its use is restricted only in India... Nowadays  people ignore the  prefix and speak. Its just "pottutiya ?" or "pottutaana?" and thereby giving scope to many virginity related 'jokes' (and these so called 'grown ups' still call it a joke..!) Such jokes apart... I feel we need to focus on why this attrition happens..

I think a person will resign from a secure job only because of 2 reasons. One is 'Lack of job satisfaction' and the other obviously the' 'feeling' of better job opportunities' or a combination of both. (And there is an exception. Girls nowadays quit their jobs to get married and settle in America.!) Other reasons he/she may or may not disclose to the HR is according to me not a reason but a contributing factor to supra mentioned reasons.

Pay scale is an important factor. As humans we are most interested in knowing what the other person earns. We simply are not content and that makes us leave our jobs. Promotion or rather the lack of it is one other contributing factor to attrition rate. It hurts maximum when your peer or junior gets promotion before you. Obviously , everyone cannot be promoted. From what I have heard , there are some enterprises which have a very very poor promotion policy and some companies do not put to action a policy that exists. Recognition in one form or the other is absolutely vital.

Appraisal - The less said the better. Its just a formality exercise nowadays and seldom does anything fruitful come from it.Its obvious that people will just not accept poor performance rating . The way the management words it as 'Constructive feedback' is comical to say the least. Your performance counselor arrives and asks "so how do you think the year went ?". You are stumped. "hmmm.. good i guess..".. " It could have been better , is it not ?" and you are coerced to say what they want to say and you reply "yes.." Matter over. We just need to be happy with mid rating.Yes. The high performance ratings are reserved for the 'jalras'.. Most of these counselors have prejudice and that is the reason I feel this appraisal meetings are all pure waste of time.


There are people who leave their jobs because , they feel they are not being involved in certain jobs. There are people who leave their jobs because , they feel they are being involved only in certain jobs.Funny !. And there are also guys (very rare though) who feel that they do not belong to this corporate world.They are just uncomfortable with the profit motive of these enterprises and would be happier in a 'not for profit' organisation. Their moral value system hurts ! (quite extraordinary).

Education plays a very important role. There are effective and efficient people whose promotion and pay cycle are slow simply because they do not have the required qualification. Somewhere deep that hurts and they quit. Work environment also plays a major contributing factor. The conduct of their team members, the immediate reporting authority (a poor, short tempered boss) contributes to their decision. Some people quit because they need to report to too many people and need to multi task. (Its simple management theory that a person cannot and will not be able to report to more than two people efficiently . However , that is what is required nowadays. Nobody understands how practically difficult it is.) Some quit to continue their passion. Some quit to have more personal time. It happens in consultancy , where people move to industry to have more time to themselves. Some quit simply because they have been there for very long.!.. Some people move everywhere and then finally come to the place where they started ! . All this happens because , no body is happy where they are.. If only that changes...

Also , People do not choose their jobs wisely. Yes. People may not often get what they want. That's the time you need to be stubborn that you need only 'Petromax light'. Some wait for the 'Petromax light' , some do not and then suffer early in their career.They later quit and move because they want to be in their preferred line. When a person realizes that his tasks do not mesh well with his personality or talents , he quits.This according to me cannot be questioned. Its after all their lives and each one of them have a right to choose. I have heard many HR stories where they question the integrity of a person when he quits. Lack of integrity to me is selling your enterprise's data with another , not quitting and joining the other enterprise. In pure law terms, in absence of 'mens rea' , I feel the case is lost for the management to question the integrity of an employee. The management needs to understand that employee's have no loyalty nowadays. There is this tamil saying... "koorai mela sotha potta , aayiram kaka".. They know if they leave , another 'slave' is ready to occupy and hence there is little scope for loyalty etc.

Also , we need to look at the other side. Its tough on the recruiters too. People just drop in a mail to the HR and everything they think is over. The most interesting thing is the change in the attitude of both the management and the employee once the paper is put. The management thinks you are a dead resource and does not treat you properly during the 'notice period'. Its also very easy to find out who is 'that' person who has 'put papers' among your colleagues. The hitherto sincere guy who now comes late and leaves early is 'that' guy. 

P.s. I quit my job recently and joined its competitor.! (in a different service line though)  

That Blessed Soul...

Among sour grapes I did find her.. 

surprisingly sugary and saccharine...

possessing charm and intellect like none..

bundled with contagious serenity and passion...

not more than a minute it took to realise ..

- She was a blessed soul...

Not that easy coming with a reputation...

to still be the person next door...

reminding us all that feats do not matter as much..

as the person you are after the accomplishment...

Very difficult for you to gaze those eyes...

and even more awkward to ogle...

but ironically effortless to natter... but the consequence..

- twilight cloud gazing and restlessness..

Just when you thought you have 'discovered'...you hear things...

you probe more and learn her background is not all that white...

And I did think...you too ?? and I did....

come to terms that in this age no one is spared...

and then question arises...

- Is she really blessed ?