Sprinkled like Asafoetida..

In spite of all the suffering and effort that life invariably implies, there are some moments which makes you feel that there's more to life than mere pain... Life I believe will someday give you opportunities where you can possibly redeem happiness equivalent to the pain you have suffered.Its like a token..I think it works in the reverse also...

Well.. How can you possibly explain the joy of walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air or listening to timeless music at midnight or freaking out at dance floor or a bike ride at 4 am on the beach road or the satisfaction of understanding a work of classic vernacular literature or THAT moment where you shed all your fears and say 'attack me now'...! I have experienced all of the above recently.All these are nothing but pure happiness.

However , for the past three years ,I have been leading a life that almost resembles an individual who has suffered a 'love failure'...(Oh.. I have once again began my sorrow tales)Yes.I did not get that one thing that I desired most in life.I was distraught and I am still.Here is where people around me left me stranded.

When someone attributes my failures to my complacency , I simply laugh and say yes... However deep inside I know that complacency is not the reason because complacency occurs only when you think you know everything. My case is entirely different. In fact ,I would have been successful if I had been complacent.Confusing ah?. It is not.Being complacent would have meant that I am confident.Mine was opposite. My problem was fear. The fear of failure. Wasim Akram says that the reason Pakistan performed very poorly in 1999 final was because the players were worried about 'what would happen if they lose' and they thought it was the 'be all and end all of everything'. It is not so. Unfortunately that realisation comes later much after the defeat. That's the reason why I feel mental stability , clarity of thoughts and tension free approach are most necessary to overcome hurdles. And.. the universe knows that I lack all three.

Another funny complaint that I often hear people around me say is that the problems in my life are due to the fact that I do not take life seriously... Again I laugh and move away from them (the only reason I go away is if I stay longer ,I might show my temper on them and they would even possibly bloat up like Aunt Marge.)..But only I know that all problems are due to the fact I take life very very very very seriously.. I now think I need to chill..Its again the reverse solution.I need to take it easy.When will people around me realise that ?!

Another complaint which is once again false is that it seems I am not very attached to whatever I do. How do I make them realise that my problem is too much of an attachment. An important fact that I have realised now on from a very important person in my life is anything and everything in this world needs detached attachment.(See.. I am good at oxymorons). Its very important.A very good example that I can quote is not getting angry when Indian Test Cricket Team lost to England. Yes. I wanted India to win.I wanted them to be NO.1. And if they dont perform well, I am obviously disappointed. But at the same time , I am not going to damage myself by getting angry and shouting abuses at them or calling up my friend and lamenting about the non performance of the Team and arguing with them. Absolutely needless.Saves a lot of energy and keeps me calm.Not only in cricket, it needs to be applied to everything.Job,Friends,Parents and whatever.

Now..There's a theory that people quote often to me.Its a variation (with time) of the basic theory that 'Not everyone gets everything'.I often wonder whether this works that way.This theory goes like this.. Lets assume two material rewards A and B which is progressive in nature (i.e after obtaining A , you obtain B). You work very hard to obtain A , and in the end you miss it or you get it delayed.But you don't struggle for B and obtain it very easily. Now there is another person. He gets A now but ends up in life struggling for B and in the end never obtains it.You can substitute anything as A and B but it should be progressive.

So.. As per this.When something gets delayed, does that mean something else (Very special) is waiting.. ? Does it mean that if you do not get now, you will be getting something else later in lieu of the thing that you are not able to get now. For eg: 'A' can be equivalent to 'marrying the person you love most' and 'B' can be equivalent to 'Happy married Life'. Similarly A can be 'Rank in graduation' and B can be 'Job satisfaction'.So you can imagine. If X gets A , he does not get B. If Y does not get B he gets A.How much of the theory is true I do not know.However what I know is this theory is often the best consolation given to a person who has failed.!Even if this theory is not true,it helps people to rise after they fall and that is the reason why I respect this theory. Whatever it is ,I believe there must be just that enough motivation to keep oneself going.Here is where I believe that life sprays just about that enough happiness in times of despair. Motivation is the reason.

Despite all the sprinkled happiness(para 2)on the personal front recently(supposedly for my motivation as I figure it out), I still believe life is unfair. Because life invariably offers pain and pain is one thing my mind refuses to accept anymore.And more so because no amount of happiness can possibly fully redeem pain. Its like compensation money or insurance money offered after disaster.And that is the reason why despite all the small happiness it seeks to give after giving you the pain..

I still hate the concept of Life.