If 'UPA - 2' was the Indian Cricket Team that lost at England 0-4.

The loss (Complete Rout) to England earlier this year at England in the test series was unacceptable to lot of Indian Cricket Fans. It made England the No.1 Test team(deserving I would say) and India slipped to third place (this also deserving I would say). Rahul Dravid said something at the end of that series that I was impressed with. He said "We expected England to be good but we expected ourselves to be better. Unfortunately we were not".

I was upset but there were more depressing things happening at home with the functioning of UPA - 2. As Azim Premji had said , the Government lost its credibility. They simply fretted at crisis situations and indecisiveness at the top struck them hard.The statements that they were making everyday were humorous to say the least.So how would have this UPA 2 reacted to this loss suffered and what would have been their statements if they were not politicians but cricketers instead..?? What would have these people said about the humiliating loss when asked about by reporters.??
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1) P Chidambaram

Q)Sir.. What were the reasons for such a humiliating loss.?
A)Let us first understand that this loss cannot be termed as 'Intelligence Failure'. I had already shared 'intelligence' that the ball would seam around viciously in England to the other team members.So,please don't attribute the loss to 'intelligence' failure.

Q)If then what else sir ?
A)I had asked the team members to stop playing cricket since I knew the ball would seam around. We were infact even ready to sit and talk with the English Team members. But we did not because they were not ready to cease violence.

Q)Sir , you are not answering the question.
A)See.. I can tell you the reason. The reason for the failure was because of the presence of 'Saffron Terror'.

Q)Can you please explain further.
A)The English bowlers were 'terrorising' the batsmen of our team with vicious swing. The English bowlers turned the ball into saffron colour from red by applying some substance.

Q)Now that you have lost, what is the future course of action
A)I have asked to setup NSG commandos base at all metros. They will be alerted to deal with the situation as and when they arise appropriately.

Q)It seems Pranabh had sent a note during the series saying that you could have averted loss.
A)If Pranabh has sent a note , ask him to respond.I have no comments to make.
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2)Manish Tewari

Q)Sir.. What were the reasons for such a humiliating loss.?
A) I have no time for responding to Press. All I can say is England were corrupt from 'Head to Toe.'

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This statement of Manish Tewari was met with widespread criticism.Therefore two days later came Rashid Alvi to offer apology for the statement made by Manish Tewari and offer the correct explanations.

3)Rashid Alvi

Q)Can you specify the reasons for this failure.?
A)I will tell you the reason.But first let me offer apologies on behalf of Mr.Manish Tewari.He had made such a statement with anger. Everyone makes mistakes.Its important we forgive the statment made by Mr.Manish Tewari.Also his statements were taken out of context. You see , he is so upset that he is even refusing to be the spokesperson of the team herein afterwards. The reason for the defeat you see is nothing but the presence of 'Foreign forces'. We suspect the motive of 'United States of America' behind it.Its all part of a conspiracy.

Q)You are blaming the U.S.A,but they don't play cricket, then how could it be their motive?
A)This is all part of a big conspiracy thing that you people won't understand. I know its been happening.
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4)Pranabh Mukherjee

Q)Can you specify the reasons for this failure.?
A)You people have to understand that loss in cricket games is 'decontrolled'.It cannot be controlled by us.

Q)Is it not a irresponsible statement to make?
A)See.. We have already appealed against the use of some substance (Saffron in colour) by English bowlers to swing the ball.Since the matter is 'Sub-Judice' , I would not like to comment further.

Q)Is it true that you sent a note to Chidambaram saying that the loss could be averted?
A) It was sent by someone under me , but not me. They are not my views.In any case they are intra team notes and I don't understand why the general public is bothering about it.But I deny that the our team performance was 'unacceptable'.

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LATER they gave a joint press meet stating that the note had been written by someone else and Mr.Chidambaram had quoted "I am happy(!??) with the statement made by Pranabh. The matter is closed."

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5)Digvijay Singh

Q)Sir.. What were the reasons for such a humiliating loss.?
A)This is not the time to speculate, as all branded balls, including the 'ISI' marked ones, are affected with some saffron substance.It seems English bowlers purchased it from RSS & BJP and hence the ball swung viciously which could not be handled by our team members.

Q)How could English bowlers lay hands on these balls?
A) I have evidence that the RSS and the BJP has been supplying these balls to England team members. I will show the proof tomorrow.In any case, our performance has not been as bad as the 'Karnataka' Ranji Team. First let them perform. Then we can perform well.

Q)Then what is the solution?
I think the best way to tackle this is to appoint Rahul Gandhi as the Captain of the Indian Cricket team. Also, the RSS members are not allowing the team to perform. They are conspiring against the minorities. It is their plan A , B and C.

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6)Kapil Sibal

Q)What would you attribute this humiliating loss to ?
A)You must be Joking.There was NO LOSS. Infact there was 'Zero Loss'. The Media has hyped it up.

Q)Sir, it is you who are joking. How could you say there was no loss ?
A)I had eliminated board exams and similarly I had also eliminated victory or defeat in a bilateral series. The cricket was the winner. No one lost.(??!!)

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7)Manmohan Singh

There has been no official word from him.Apparently he is attending G8 countries meeting.But he is to meet Select group of Television News Editors next week.

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P.S.

Since UPA is in deep crisis in its second innings , they tried inducting VVS Laxman into the Cabinet.However even VVS Laxman failed to perform on hearing this news.