Rimes from an 'Hopeless Romantic'...

As it happens , I am back with my 'polambals' after a hiatus of 2 months which I think is quite normal considering that I have now officially entered a 'job'(which i must admit is a completely new pressure to handle).The other reason (main reason) for my absence is frankly lack of thoughts.This is bewildering to me since I normally have ideas overflowing to write about.The sudden 'block' surely has had me in fear. There was/is a fear that my blogging would cease due to lack of creativity.

Hey Mr. Creativity ! Where are you ?? 

Having said that I could have written a couple more in the previous month but I consciously avoided writing about anything that is even remotely close to the topics relating to either Kamal Hassan or Cricket. The idea behind that is surely the fact that I wanted to avoid that nauseating effect(particularly since there is that obvious blog post about Vishwaroopam due in the first week of July).

Coming from that is the obvious question on whether I have lost commitment. And I am not just talking about the break in blogging. Looking back , I have a feeling that I had much more commitment to whatever I did previously. I fear that the aggressor inside me has toned down a bit something like what happened to Dhoni in the past couple of years.I only hope its momentary. Put in Tamil , I can say everything in life to me now has 'thegatipochu'.. (Is there an English word to describe exactly that..? Let me know if there is one.). It is dangerous , is it not ? I have ceased to take any problem/issue that comes my way seriously...Why has this happened to me ? I am presently in a state where I think 'edhu vandaalum paathukalaam'.. From being a 'tension party' to being this 'come what may' is a huge change. And I am made to wonder whether this transformation in me is positive or negative..??

Personal fears aside , the one thing that I am unable to come to terms is with what I receive from the world nowadays.. I fear we have as a society failed to receive quality for quite sometime now. When was the last time you heard a QUALITY song?. When was the last time you saw a QUALITY innings ?. When was the last time you saw a QUALITY movie ?. Everything that seems new and interesting is either already seen or is  a  rip off.. Yes.. I fear that there has been quality depreciation all across. I am  made to stick with the notion that whatever that was in the past had quality.I know it is not entirely correct too. This brings me to another important question on whether we have began to accept and settle for the 'second best' and be happy and satisfied ?

Has 'quality'  taken a retirement along with Dravid ?

Maybe Yes. But I have always had a fascination with the term 'Second best'. (By second best , here I mean something like  'Senorita song' in a movie where that is not the best song or Dravid's 180 and not what I meant in the previous para.)If you can get what I am trying to say , you will understand that there is always this heavy competition for the 'best' and according to me it is best avoided. In the commotion for 'trying' for the 'best' , often the 'second best' goes unnoticed. Here is where I try to seize the opportunity. However , nowadays  there is heavy competition for even the 'Second best' since as I mentioned there is a 'quality' depreciation overall..:) (Lol.. how it fits !).

And....

Yes.. coming back to that 'Hopeless Romantic' mentioned in the title. No prizes for guessing who it is.  I am in that stage of my life where every other peer  I meet is either committed , engaged or married.!. And a colleague (irritatingly) reminded me that I am now 24 , and if I ever had to be in a relationship , it should have happened by now. His logic was simple. He said , nowadays, all the good ones are 'picked up' maximum by 17 and even 'leftovers' are being 'grabbed' before 20..!  I showed him back this (below) picture to tell him why I am yet to fall in a relationship...

He put a smiley and wrote 'fool' and then sent me this (below) picture as attachment through Email as a reply....

P.S. I actually consider myself as a 'regular' blogger.... And if there is any 'irregularity' , you know on 'whom' I am likely to fall back to restore the 'regularity'..Here's hoping to meet you all with that person soon :) Cheers.

Turn to Chapter 1 , Page 4 , Para 3...

I am made to seriously lament my lack of decent articulation skills for two consecutive posts now. This is because when I want to write about The Rahul Dravid , my vocabulary seems to be very limited and I have a fear that I may end up not expressing who HE was and what HE truly epitomizes. More so because , every time during this past month when I sit down to write about him , I would stumble upon truck load of 'tributes' written by journalists , commentators , fellow players etc.(I read all of them and I found Rohit Brijnath's and Vijetha's tribute to be the best).

I can probably understand why there was/is an overdose of Dravid during the past month.I think, when Dravid's retirement came, people suddenly felt guilty that somewhere down the line they have failed to recognize his contribution.In a way, people redeemed their guiltiness by being part of Dravid's farewell through media/FB/twitter.(This yours truly post is also an attempt to wipe off some guiltiness).But hey.. quite frankly , the man deserves this overdose and I certainly dont mind it.

That trademark forward defense that is etched in the minds of cricket lovers.... 

There were two ominous signs in 2011 before the Australian Tour that said to a lot of us that Dravid's end is nearer.One,he was dropping a lot more than he held.(As Vijetha pointed out,he himself hated it). Dravid takes his catching seriously and has set high standards.The reflex you associate with him began to fade.(As a kid , I used to imitate his famous reflex swivel at silly point to avoid a cut shot being hit at him.)

Second is that he began to show something that we would not normally associate with him.For the first time we could see Dravid's ego coming to the forefront. It happened right throughout the press conferences at England when he scored those centuries. There was a certain high headedness and a tone of arrogance and anger (which I admit is totally normal and understandable but could have been avoided). Sadly that continued in his Bradman oration too. Quotes like "He (BRADMAN)was, primarily, like me, a No.3 batsman. It is a tough, tough job. We're the ones who make life easier for the kings (Read SACHIN) of batting, the middle order that follows us.".Very true but this also could have been avoided. However that should not take away the quality of that speech. The way he subtly took a dig at all the critics of BCCI and IPL should be appreciated... Many felt until that Bradman oration, his bat did the talking...

The most painful sight in cricket is to watch a legend struggle. He was the best 'leaver' of the ball I know. He was always sure of his off stump...He could always read the swing on the ball.. But.. everything just vanished from him one australian summer morning.. And then the inevitable came.. his decision to retire and many of us felt that the timing of that to be perfect. The Australian tour has been inexplicable for many reasons and Dravid and Laxman’s failure is surely surprising.

Frankly many of us (I certainly) hated him simply because he was text book. He was conventional. One look at Rahul Dravid , and you know whatever field he entered, he would have been amongst the best.. If he had been into medicine , he would have been among the best doctors in this country.. If he had been into other sports , he would have equally achieved greatness. If you had asked him to do CA, he would have cleared it with a Rank. And that's precisely why we hate him. He was the 'samathu payan' we all don’t want to be.(And I am particularly very averse to samathu payans). We cannot imagine him being a sport. He would not have played pranks on anyone in his early days. Yes... And At school, He would have been his teacher's favorite student..(In my opinion, to be a teacher's favorite student is the worst attribute one can have). And to add to all that , this guy was the smartest around.(Certain kind of jealousy creeps in). If only he was a bit of the explosive type he would have upstaged Sachin Tendulkar as the poster boy of Indian Cricket overnight.I remember me and my friends discussing the James Anderson Vs Rahul Dravid spells on FB.(Personally I felt their duel last summer was the best test cricket I had seen for a long time. Both were playing chess against each other.) That was when a non male member of the human species entered the discussion and the topic eventually digressed to their looks.I admit both Dravid and Anderson give doubts to even men on their straightness but what is important is we must all ensure that they both are remembered only for cricketing reasons.

I explained why I hated him. Let me tell you why I loved him.He was one cricketer who maximized his skills to the most.As Laloo Prasad Yadav once put it , he did not milk the cow but cowed the milk.He was completely aware of his strengths. His patience was his strength. He could wait for an hour for that one loose ball to be put away.I remember an ODI against Kenya during 1997 when he struggled to get off.All his shots found the fielders. He just could not accelerate nor could he get out... And after that match he was dropped from the ODI team. He went back to chinnaswamy... He worked on his placement.. He worked on his strike rate..He put in the effort.. He worked for hours...He came back to the ODI side.. He played the 1999 World Cup.. He just did not play.. He was the highest run getter in 1999 World Cup. That says about the man..This friends,is purely the triumph of human will power.

He has played some fantastic ODI innings.One of my favorite amongst those was the innings he played at Bristol in 2007 Vs England. The track was a belter. Sachin scored 99 and had left. Dravid was there with Dhoni for the last 10 overs. A player of the classical mode and as someone who was accused of wasting balls in his early days, he proved all critics wrong as he kept square driving the bowlers(particularly Broad) through point and one particular square drive(of anderson)actually went for a six over point. That was the first and last time I saw someone scoring a six with a square drive!.During the press conference, he humbly said 'it was one of those days'. He still holds the record(along with Agarkar)for the fastest fifty by an Indian(21 balls).We could clearly see the effort he had put in.

So.. what was Dravid's greatest test innings ?

I would certainly rate his 3 centuries now at England among the best I have seen. His 180 with Laxman changed Indian Cricket forever.His innings at leeds in 2002 along with Sanjay Bangar is one of the best test match batting partnerships I have seen.(That without doubt would certainly be Sanjay Bangar's best).His double century at pakistan in 2004 has special historical significance.His 2 fifty's at Jamaica are rated amongst the best innings that were not converted into centuries.I was too young to remember his first century at SA.People rate it high.(Infact I dont remember that innings).His exploits at adelaide in early 2003 is test batting at its best. It was near miracle innings. My favorite would be that.

The problem with Rahul Dravid's innings is that the highlights package wont show you his class. That is because watching Sachin attack gives us Joy.., Watching Laxman's wrists gives us Goosebumps.., Watching Dravid leave the ball gave us assurance , Watching him defend , gave us reassurance... Sadly his 'defence' and 'leaves' will not be part of any highlights package. As Anil Kumble put it , he gave such an assurance that the batsman at the other end would take that extra risk.Since Dravid was at the other end, a Tendulkar or Ganguly would play/ are allowed to play that one indiscrete shot (and this would be part of the highlights package).That for me is working as a team.. For him the team came to the forefront.He declared when Sachin was on 194..(That is also probably the only controversy in his entire career.). He kept and opened even though he did not like it.

We will miss you champ.. We have all been watching and enjoying the way you check your shoulder...Your stance.. Your sweat…Your straight elbow..The way you would hunch on your front foot and then the how your body would bounce as if it had hit a trampoline and the way you would quickly balance of your back foot which would make way for your bat to create an arc for that beautiful square cut of yours...

It is important that India stops searching for next Rahul Dravid.That would be very unfair on the person who is going to occupy no.3. For Dravid will be the greatest No.3 in my books. Next person will simply be the next person.It is important for the Kohli's and Rahane's to understand that they cannot and should not replicate Dravid's style. They have to be themselves...

It wouldn't be a surprise if Dravid releases an autobiography. Can't be sure whether it would be sans controversy, but I am sure among other things it will have its share of good humour. From his columns and prepared speeches , we now know Dravid is a good writer.Probably good is an understatement...

I will be there on April 21 at MAC just for you... Here's hoping that part of your swansong lasts a little longer that evening...

Being Appatucker...

The Moment....

It is special.(Even considering the time delay it took).When the D day arrived ,the usual symptoms like body shake , excessive sweating , loss of appetite etc happened.[I have experienced it 7 times totally..{including PE 1 , PE 2 etc. (These are situations where clarification becomes an absolute necessity)}].(OK.I accept , if you keep on reading my blogs , you would become an expert in BODMAS/BEDMAS rules).Ok.Without digressing further , we will proceed.The result was announced around 12 Noon , but I was refreshing the page every 5 minutes from 8 AM.Now, whoever writes these scripts , I dont know.From 11o Clock , I was inside a conference room , attending an all India Con Call training on FEMA basics.Around 12 Noon , when it became unbearable(combination of frustration of delay of results and irritation because of the monotonous tone of the speaker), the page suddenly refreshed. These are moments in your life when you can actually hear your heart beat.(Even writing about this now sends shockwaves within me).I put the roll no. and the captcha alphanumerics in the correct case(indha tensionla idhu vera), and I hit enter. I saw the result and rest is history....

Immediately I excused myself from the training and called my mother(who gave a reaction like 'OK.. I knew it would happen'!)...And , I stepped out of office and took a stroll on the Nungambakkam High Road , just to experience an 'high' which a professor during my foundation (PE 1) days used to tell. It seems he felt after clearing THE exams as if every passerby at Nungambakkam(Near ICAI) was looking at him and admiring..(nennapu thaan..) He added that he felt as if an entire crowd in a moving bus were popping their heads out and wishing him...He therefore wanted us (all students then) to experience the same.(and for experiencing that, we had to work hard aam). And so I went...

Thereafter.....

The fact of the matter is nothing of that sort happened for me... :(. No one were popping their heads out and wishing me... The truth infact was , even at 1 AM , I was shivering (partly because of the untimely cold weather in Chennai and partly due to {mix of 'end' of nervousness and 'beginning' of excitement.}). However..That too was short lived.I thought I would be on cloud nine if I cleared.But no.. It was just that moment. That's about it.To be frank , there was no 'Kick feeling' at all.(sappunu irundhuchu..). Probably this is how people feel after marriage too??.

I could have written this blog on the day of the result.However, a colleague of mine told me that I feel 'sour' because the *feeling* has not yet sunk in to me. And hence..I waited for sometime to see whether 'it' sinks in somewhat inside me so that I would be able to bring out the complete picture. I gave time to myself , just to see whether the way I felt became different... 3 weeks later .. Here I am.. feeling different , not exactly in the sense my colleague told , but I got a completely new perspective about my life and most importantly , I killed all the demons inside me... I think I am fresh now than ever before with a clear mind.. For me , this result is like finding that one missing piece in an otherwise solved jigsaw puzzle.

Going forward....

The thing with this course is , at the end of four to five years after beginning , you can either become completely haughty or you can become extremely depressed with self doubts looming large all over you. The middle one's are extremely rare to find.The thing about haughtiness is the fact that its like body odour , you wont realise it until others point it out to you.(And it smells bad.) You try to convince yourself that you aren't haughty but you continue to walk two steps above the ground. This is bad but it does minimal damage to the self. Not like its antonym , which is excruciatingly painful.



If you flunk a couple of times (in my case , 2 years before even writing the exams), suddenly the anger in you to prove others wrong would fade , and you would end up proving things to yourself.You would feel insignificant in world.To be frank , for a major part of the past three to four years , I did not live , I existed... You will end up fighting not only the exams , but a battle with yourself. The motivation levels would drop. The evenings would become very depressing. Murphy would seem to be in full form.You start hating life and suicidal thoughts would haunt you.(After one very bad day in office a couple of years back , I actually planned to jump from a suburban train between Kodambakkam and Nungambakkam station.In fact I went and marked a place..!. Thankfully , something stopped me from doing that silly act then.Something inside me said , lets fight it out..To think of that idiocy of mine now seems very funny..)To come out of that and win requires a motivation and determination of a completely different kind(which lesser mortals do not know or understand - Read haughty idiots)... People should understand, every person has his or her own problems for failure... Having a very very low self esteem is surely one very big problem.

Epitome of Self Confidence..

I have always felt that if ever low self-esteem were a physical condition such as cancer or AIDS, or a potentially life-threatening habit like smoking and alcohol and drug abuse,the Goverment would declare a national emergency,pump in massive funds and organise a mass publicity campaign to combat it...Think about it.. 'Confidence' is such a crucial factor to a happy and fulfilling life. It influences your success at work, your family life, relationships and leisure activities.It affects your performance in everything you do. A belief in one's self is without doubt the greatest asset of all.Even great wealth and fame cant compensate for a poor self-image. A Man who doubts himself is like a man who enlists in the ranks of the enemy and bears arms against himself.He makes his failure certain by being the first to be convinced of it. - Alexandre Dumas.

CONFIDEN'T' Karunas explaining how he can correct 1000 figures.. - Importance of Confidence

People who lack confidence and self belief always underachieve.! They're less adventurous and less likely to get most out of life.They are prone to stress related problems , including anxiety (imagine the pressure if that is in addition to CA exam anxiety),eating disorders and mental health problems...

If only I had great articulation skills , I could have given you an heart wrenching story (a la vikraman) but I could not and hence did not. It took a lot of time,effort and pain for me to come out from where I was. I cant confidently say I am out of it completely. However , I have understood , every person has his strength and weakness. Its all about maximising the strength and minimising the weakness.The good thing now is , I have become very cool.I am not at all perturbed about any problem that comes my way (For I have gone through this and there cannot be something worse than this) and I am handling all that with considerable ease. That is good. Very good. I now want to enjoy life. I have missed 2 seasons of IPL , a world cup , SA tour of India, India tour of SA , 2 Champions League , Aus tour of India ,An exciting Ashes etc.. Lot of backlog needs to be cleared... is it not ?:)

Let me accept the fact.Becoming a CA was a dream for me.It has happened ! It is very very important for people to live their dreams. It is a special feeling. Unfulfilled ambitions are the worst thing a person can have... If you want something very very badly , you will get it.. It may come late .. But it will come.. Believe..

Funny how things change with postive results and very ironical that 2012 is synonymous with apocalypse , for it is the year where I begin.(Please.. the world should not end now..)Does this angry young man still feel that life is unfair..?.. Yes.. He does.. He has reasons for it.. In future he may add to that profile of his that life is unfair but its still good..:) Now.. There you see a change..Dont you? (Hopefully , going forward no more depressing posts).. All seems well. Hakuna Matata :)(At least temporarily).

The strength I had during my school and college days vanished in the past four years.. All I want is to regain it. Yes.. I want that CHUTZPAH I once had back... and if that happens.. I am back completely...

"Some failure in life is inevitable.. It is impossible to live without failing in something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well never lived at all.In which case , you failed by default" - J K Rowling