Half

Statutory Warning: This post is yet another self introspection report card from me to myself. I can understand that there is not even a tinge of that tone of surprise in you the reader and hence you can choose not to read it further.....

(But.. if u have decided to plunge, so be it... ) As already said , this is yet another attempt from me to look at myself from a distance, observe and correct. Too much of self introspection is certainly not good for oneself and I know it from experience. However, being the loner that I am , I am finding it hard to kick the habit. At the end of every day, I end up doing  this 360 degree feedback.(See, being in the corporate world for some time now , I surely can speak some of that lingo).

First thing that I have noticed in myself is some achievement for which I am both happy and sad at the same time. What may be that mighty achievement ?. The answer is I have substantially lost my temper. I nowadays almost forget to get angry !. QED from workplace where I received a written feedback from a junior colleague stating that I am the most calm person in the team. Funny ! but people who know me from my school days would vouch for that abrasive fury I used to emit. Isn't it good to have lost that ? That is the question that comes up in my mind often. I am proud of it but at the same time I must admit that there is tinge of sadness due to the fact that I think I have lost the rage a tad too much and I sometimes now feel I have lost my identity in some way. Honestly, there was never a conscious effort from my end to reduce the anger. The only probable reason could be to avoid that miserable feeling you get after getting angry.

 There is relevance to the previous paragraph since its a SIGNIFICANT change in me..(that caps was intended). And.. I am looking forward to more such changes. If this change could be possible (sans efforts) , why not with other aspects in me with efforts is what my post is all about. There is context to everything that happens around me right now and I realise that I am at a very peculiar position in my life where I have not been before.

I now realise that I have some strengths.Like this one for eg , I can confidently say I am definitely a notch above quite a number of people in appreciating and understanding a creative work be it either Tamil(even among Tamil students who scored 200 out of 200 in board exams , and I cannot write Tamil)  or English. I have observed people who really are dumb in appreciating a creative work (who are otherwise brilliant at studies or at work!). Weird. I am abstaining myself from quoting real life examples since I do not want to go back to having bad temper.

I know I am a notch above the crowd in appreciating a game of cricket.I am completely aware of facts.Unlike the majority, I know why a batsmen takes guard. I know why the sight screen is important. I know what reverse swing is.(And I know a lot of 'brilliant' people who have different theories on what reverse swing is, like this tall brilliant bespectacled guy who thinks reverse swing is when the ball moves backwards (reverses aam) after pitching !!). I know some serious stuff about some cricketers. If someone says, Dale Steyn can swing the ball both ways, I would ask since when ?. Dale Steyn has been and will always bowl outswingers (to Right handers) only. It is only his teammate and counterpart Vernon Philander who can swing the ball both ways. Of course Steyn can straighten and also reverse the ball (Proper reverse I mean :P).  I can appreciate a tense situation in the game. I can grasp what a bowler is trying and how the batsmen is countering and vice versa. Also, when technical points are discussed in Star Cricket(no other channel discusses technical points), I am able to understand ! Also , I can easily say whether a batsman or a bowler has learned from his mistake.

Coming to life other than cricket , I now understand that I have a different perspective from the others.I am more towards values. I am a 'means' guy more than the 'ends' guy. For me means are far more important than ends. Very complex but true.Also, I have some non-negotiable points. I cannot tolerate haughtiness. I have instant hatred to any individual who emits haughtiness.I develop instant hatred to any person who is rude.Even worse, I cannot tolerate Idiocy also (as I said above). But why I am saying all this ?. Its because, even though I feel all this , I do not go and express this to that person. I keep it to myself and release words only when I feel it is absolutely necessary. I go through the pain called toleration. This is where I feel , I should be more assertive and open up. A scope for improvement.

Also, I am a fan of subtlety and subtexts. Not sure how many of you are. I like it when something is said and done in a subtle manner. Yes, you may not understand at first and ignore , but if you understand the subtle inner message , the impact is high, much higher than if you dump it on the face. The problem with being outright is , it works but  I doubt whether it has the same impact. Being outright can sometimes turn against you unlike being subtle and saying what you say in subtexts. This is exactly where my limitations sort of begin. I can understand subtexts and interpret many of them but I need help in picking all the subtexts.So, I am half here.

Over the years, people have said that I can write. I know I can write but at the same time I know I do not possess that flair in writing that you expect from professionals.Even worse, there are some words I do not know the meaning at all (ask me to speak , my English is even worse). I do not know the basics of grammar. Ask me what is Adverb, Subject, Object etc in a sentence, I would be blinking. That's precisely the problem.So, I am half here too.

From the Economic Times campaign - A Half cheats himself more than others

 Come to workplace, I know the law , but the finer points , I don't know them all. Also , I keep forgetting. I need to be constantly in touch with it to understand. That 'technical' knowledge in work ,the fact that I don't know the full stuff rather the necessary stuff is sort of making me feel low.(I link again. These technically brilliant guys express idiocy when they talk about any creative work. That I am not able to fathom at all.) Also I am total sothapifier with regard to numbers.Also my concentration span is very limited. Here is where my diffidence comes from. The fact that  I realise I possess only half knowledge in this aspect... Then comes the important question as to why do we need to know more than half ?. Probably because of the confidence (real not fake) that it gives you. Also you have no excuse in not knowing it.

There are other doubts and questions I have too.. Are everybody Half somewhere ? Whether this phenomenon is with me alone ? and other confusing questions...... Whatever it may be, but at the end of it all,  I would say that I understand that  there are places where I know that I am much much better, but at the same time there are places where I am not in sync at all .........

Again from Economic Times campaign - The Problems of being Half

.....And that is why I confidently say I am now a Half.  I will let you all know (including myself) if and when I have made some journey towards full.Yes. I wanted a place to inscribe the promise that I made to myself (to not be half) so that I am constantly reminded of the target and warned of deviations. 

Hence this Half.

The Intermission 

Paper...

This post is not about Times of India but since the topic is 'paper' I am unable to ignore that daily soft porn magazine.Even though , TOI has no relevance to this post of mine , I feel this is worth sharing. Incidentally when Deccan Chronicle was first introduced in Chennai , it cost only Re 1 (Penetration Pricing) and I remember my college mates buying it before entering Udhayam theater so that it can be torn into pieces and thrown on the screen.Even though TOI is costlier than DC nowadays , these guys now prefer to buy TOI before entering theaters just for the pleasure of tearing it and throwing on the screen. Yes.. Just for the pleasure of tearing it. (A lesser known fact - Goli's are put on Goli Soda bottles just to give the drinker the pleasure / satisfaction / kick factor arising out of his effort of forcing the Goli inside the bottle.. ! )

What about Paper then ?.. No. I do not intend to dwell (bore you)on greenery , environment and sustainability . I want to focus on the present day corporate 'cultured' (really?) world and on the ....

The Dreaded 'P' Word :

I first heard this term when I was coming down to the work space after having a sumptuous lunch. I just did not understand. The post lunch stupor did not help either... I ignored. Then couple of days later , a colleague  of mine from a different team wanted to know about his crush in my team. He came to me and asked "ava pottutaala?"..... "enna pottutaala ?" .. "adhaan da..ava paper pottutaala ? ellarum pesikuraakaanga..".... I knew she resigned and hence could connect 'Paper podradu' and resignation. The exact origin of this idiom is  still unknown ( I have googled ) and I think its use is restricted only in India... Nowadays  people ignore the  prefix and speak. Its just "pottutiya ?" or "pottutaana?" and thereby giving scope to many virginity related 'jokes' (and these so called 'grown ups' still call it a joke..!) Such jokes apart... I feel we need to focus on why this attrition happens..

I think a person will resign from a secure job only because of 2 reasons. One is 'Lack of job satisfaction' and the other obviously the' 'feeling' of better job opportunities' or a combination of both. (And there is an exception. Girls nowadays quit their jobs to get married and settle in America.!) Other reasons he/she may or may not disclose to the HR is according to me not a reason but a contributing factor to supra mentioned reasons.

Pay scale is an important factor. As humans we are most interested in knowing what the other person earns. We simply are not content and that makes us leave our jobs. Promotion or rather the lack of it is one other contributing factor to attrition rate. It hurts maximum when your peer or junior gets promotion before you. Obviously , everyone cannot be promoted. From what I have heard , there are some enterprises which have a very very poor promotion policy and some companies do not put to action a policy that exists. Recognition in one form or the other is absolutely vital.

Appraisal - The less said the better. Its just a formality exercise nowadays and seldom does anything fruitful come from it.Its obvious that people will just not accept poor performance rating . The way the management words it as 'Constructive feedback' is comical to say the least. Your performance counselor arrives and asks "so how do you think the year went ?". You are stumped. "hmmm.. good i guess..".. " It could have been better , is it not ?" and you are coerced to say what they want to say and you reply "yes.." Matter over. We just need to be happy with mid rating.Yes. The high performance ratings are reserved for the 'jalras'.. Most of these counselors have prejudice and that is the reason I feel this appraisal meetings are all pure waste of time.


There are people who leave their jobs because , they feel they are not being involved in certain jobs. There are people who leave their jobs because , they feel they are being involved only in certain jobs.Funny !. And there are also guys (very rare though) who feel that they do not belong to this corporate world.They are just uncomfortable with the profit motive of these enterprises and would be happier in a 'not for profit' organisation. Their moral value system hurts ! (quite extraordinary).

Education plays a very important role. There are effective and efficient people whose promotion and pay cycle are slow simply because they do not have the required qualification. Somewhere deep that hurts and they quit. Work environment also plays a major contributing factor. The conduct of their team members, the immediate reporting authority (a poor, short tempered boss) contributes to their decision. Some people quit because they need to report to too many people and need to multi task. (Its simple management theory that a person cannot and will not be able to report to more than two people efficiently . However , that is what is required nowadays. Nobody understands how practically difficult it is.) Some quit to continue their passion. Some quit to have more personal time. It happens in consultancy , where people move to industry to have more time to themselves. Some quit simply because they have been there for very long.!.. Some people move everywhere and then finally come to the place where they started ! . All this happens because , no body is happy where they are.. If only that changes...

Also , People do not choose their jobs wisely. Yes. People may not often get what they want. That's the time you need to be stubborn that you need only 'Petromax light'. Some wait for the 'Petromax light' , some do not and then suffer early in their career.They later quit and move because they want to be in their preferred line. When a person realizes that his tasks do not mesh well with his personality or talents , he quits.This according to me cannot be questioned. Its after all their lives and each one of them have a right to choose. I have heard many HR stories where they question the integrity of a person when he quits. Lack of integrity to me is selling your enterprise's data with another , not quitting and joining the other enterprise. In pure law terms, in absence of 'mens rea' , I feel the case is lost for the management to question the integrity of an employee. The management needs to understand that employee's have no loyalty nowadays. There is this tamil saying... "koorai mela sotha potta , aayiram kaka".. They know if they leave , another 'slave' is ready to occupy and hence there is little scope for loyalty etc.

Also , we need to look at the other side. Its tough on the recruiters too. People just drop in a mail to the HR and everything they think is over. The most interesting thing is the change in the attitude of both the management and the employee once the paper is put. The management thinks you are a dead resource and does not treat you properly during the 'notice period'. Its also very easy to find out who is 'that' person who has 'put papers' among your colleagues. The hitherto sincere guy who now comes late and leaves early is 'that' guy. 

P.s. I quit my job recently and joined its competitor.! (in a different service line though)  

Rimes from an 'Hopeless Romantic'...

As it happens , I am back with my 'polambals' after a hiatus of 2 months which I think is quite normal considering that I have now officially entered a 'job'(which i must admit is a completely new pressure to handle).The other reason (main reason) for my absence is frankly lack of thoughts.This is bewildering to me since I normally have ideas overflowing to write about.The sudden 'block' surely has had me in fear. There was/is a fear that my blogging would cease due to lack of creativity.

Hey Mr. Creativity ! Where are you ?? 

Having said that I could have written a couple more in the previous month but I consciously avoided writing about anything that is even remotely close to the topics relating to either Kamal Hassan or Cricket. The idea behind that is surely the fact that I wanted to avoid that nauseating effect(particularly since there is that obvious blog post about Vishwaroopam due in the first week of July).

Coming from that is the obvious question on whether I have lost commitment. And I am not just talking about the break in blogging. Looking back , I have a feeling that I had much more commitment to whatever I did previously. I fear that the aggressor inside me has toned down a bit something like what happened to Dhoni in the past couple of years.I only hope its momentary. Put in Tamil , I can say everything in life to me now has 'thegatipochu'.. (Is there an English word to describe exactly that..? Let me know if there is one.). It is dangerous , is it not ? I have ceased to take any problem/issue that comes my way seriously...Why has this happened to me ? I am presently in a state where I think 'edhu vandaalum paathukalaam'.. From being a 'tension party' to being this 'come what may' is a huge change. And I am made to wonder whether this transformation in me is positive or negative..??

Personal fears aside , the one thing that I am unable to come to terms is with what I receive from the world nowadays.. I fear we have as a society failed to receive quality for quite sometime now. When was the last time you heard a QUALITY song?. When was the last time you saw a QUALITY innings ?. When was the last time you saw a QUALITY movie ?. Everything that seems new and interesting is either already seen or is  a  rip off.. Yes.. I fear that there has been quality depreciation all across. I am  made to stick with the notion that whatever that was in the past had quality.I know it is not entirely correct too. This brings me to another important question on whether we have began to accept and settle for the 'second best' and be happy and satisfied ?

Has 'quality'  taken a retirement along with Dravid ?

Maybe Yes. But I have always had a fascination with the term 'Second best'. (By second best , here I mean something like  'Senorita song' in a movie where that is not the best song or Dravid's 180 and not what I meant in the previous para.)If you can get what I am trying to say , you will understand that there is always this heavy competition for the 'best' and according to me it is best avoided. In the commotion for 'trying' for the 'best' , often the 'second best' goes unnoticed. Here is where I try to seize the opportunity. However , nowadays  there is heavy competition for even the 'Second best' since as I mentioned there is a 'quality' depreciation overall..:) (Lol.. how it fits !).

And....

Yes.. coming back to that 'Hopeless Romantic' mentioned in the title. No prizes for guessing who it is.  I am in that stage of my life where every other peer  I meet is either committed , engaged or married.!. And a colleague (irritatingly) reminded me that I am now 24 , and if I ever had to be in a relationship , it should have happened by now. His logic was simple. He said , nowadays, all the good ones are 'picked up' maximum by 17 and even 'leftovers' are being 'grabbed' before 20..!  I showed him back this (below) picture to tell him why I am yet to fall in a relationship...

He put a smiley and wrote 'fool' and then sent me this (below) picture as attachment through Email as a reply....

P.S. I actually consider myself as a 'regular' blogger.... And if there is any 'irregularity' , you know on 'whom' I am likely to fall back to restore the 'regularity'..Here's hoping to meet you all with that person soon :) Cheers.

Being Appatucker...

The Moment....

It is special.(Even considering the time delay it took).When the D day arrived ,the usual symptoms like body shake , excessive sweating , loss of appetite etc happened.[I have experienced it 7 times totally..{including PE 1 , PE 2 etc. (These are situations where clarification becomes an absolute necessity)}].(OK.I accept , if you keep on reading my blogs , you would become an expert in BODMAS/BEDMAS rules).Ok.Without digressing further , we will proceed.The result was announced around 12 Noon , but I was refreshing the page every 5 minutes from 8 AM.Now, whoever writes these scripts , I dont know.From 11o Clock , I was inside a conference room , attending an all India Con Call training on FEMA basics.Around 12 Noon , when it became unbearable(combination of frustration of delay of results and irritation because of the monotonous tone of the speaker), the page suddenly refreshed. These are moments in your life when you can actually hear your heart beat.(Even writing about this now sends shockwaves within me).I put the roll no. and the captcha alphanumerics in the correct case(indha tensionla idhu vera), and I hit enter. I saw the result and rest is history....

Immediately I excused myself from the training and called my mother(who gave a reaction like 'OK.. I knew it would happen'!)...And , I stepped out of office and took a stroll on the Nungambakkam High Road , just to experience an 'high' which a professor during my foundation (PE 1) days used to tell. It seems he felt after clearing THE exams as if every passerby at Nungambakkam(Near ICAI) was looking at him and admiring..(nennapu thaan..) He added that he felt as if an entire crowd in a moving bus were popping their heads out and wishing him...He therefore wanted us (all students then) to experience the same.(and for experiencing that, we had to work hard aam). And so I went...

Thereafter.....

The fact of the matter is nothing of that sort happened for me... :(. No one were popping their heads out and wishing me... The truth infact was , even at 1 AM , I was shivering (partly because of the untimely cold weather in Chennai and partly due to {mix of 'end' of nervousness and 'beginning' of excitement.}). However..That too was short lived.I thought I would be on cloud nine if I cleared.But no.. It was just that moment. That's about it.To be frank , there was no 'Kick feeling' at all.(sappunu irundhuchu..). Probably this is how people feel after marriage too??.

I could have written this blog on the day of the result.However, a colleague of mine told me that I feel 'sour' because the *feeling* has not yet sunk in to me. And hence..I waited for sometime to see whether 'it' sinks in somewhat inside me so that I would be able to bring out the complete picture. I gave time to myself , just to see whether the way I felt became different... 3 weeks later .. Here I am.. feeling different , not exactly in the sense my colleague told , but I got a completely new perspective about my life and most importantly , I killed all the demons inside me... I think I am fresh now than ever before with a clear mind.. For me , this result is like finding that one missing piece in an otherwise solved jigsaw puzzle.

Going forward....

The thing with this course is , at the end of four to five years after beginning , you can either become completely haughty or you can become extremely depressed with self doubts looming large all over you. The middle one's are extremely rare to find.The thing about haughtiness is the fact that its like body odour , you wont realise it until others point it out to you.(And it smells bad.) You try to convince yourself that you aren't haughty but you continue to walk two steps above the ground. This is bad but it does minimal damage to the self. Not like its antonym , which is excruciatingly painful.



If you flunk a couple of times (in my case , 2 years before even writing the exams), suddenly the anger in you to prove others wrong would fade , and you would end up proving things to yourself.You would feel insignificant in world.To be frank , for a major part of the past three to four years , I did not live , I existed... You will end up fighting not only the exams , but a battle with yourself. The motivation levels would drop. The evenings would become very depressing. Murphy would seem to be in full form.You start hating life and suicidal thoughts would haunt you.(After one very bad day in office a couple of years back , I actually planned to jump from a suburban train between Kodambakkam and Nungambakkam station.In fact I went and marked a place..!. Thankfully , something stopped me from doing that silly act then.Something inside me said , lets fight it out..To think of that idiocy of mine now seems very funny..)To come out of that and win requires a motivation and determination of a completely different kind(which lesser mortals do not know or understand - Read haughty idiots)... People should understand, every person has his or her own problems for failure... Having a very very low self esteem is surely one very big problem.

Epitome of Self Confidence..

I have always felt that if ever low self-esteem were a physical condition such as cancer or AIDS, or a potentially life-threatening habit like smoking and alcohol and drug abuse,the Goverment would declare a national emergency,pump in massive funds and organise a mass publicity campaign to combat it...Think about it.. 'Confidence' is such a crucial factor to a happy and fulfilling life. It influences your success at work, your family life, relationships and leisure activities.It affects your performance in everything you do. A belief in one's self is without doubt the greatest asset of all.Even great wealth and fame cant compensate for a poor self-image. A Man who doubts himself is like a man who enlists in the ranks of the enemy and bears arms against himself.He makes his failure certain by being the first to be convinced of it. - Alexandre Dumas.

CONFIDEN'T' Karunas explaining how he can correct 1000 figures.. - Importance of Confidence

People who lack confidence and self belief always underachieve.! They're less adventurous and less likely to get most out of life.They are prone to stress related problems , including anxiety (imagine the pressure if that is in addition to CA exam anxiety),eating disorders and mental health problems...

If only I had great articulation skills , I could have given you an heart wrenching story (a la vikraman) but I could not and hence did not. It took a lot of time,effort and pain for me to come out from where I was. I cant confidently say I am out of it completely. However , I have understood , every person has his strength and weakness. Its all about maximising the strength and minimising the weakness.The good thing now is , I have become very cool.I am not at all perturbed about any problem that comes my way (For I have gone through this and there cannot be something worse than this) and I am handling all that with considerable ease. That is good. Very good. I now want to enjoy life. I have missed 2 seasons of IPL , a world cup , SA tour of India, India tour of SA , 2 Champions League , Aus tour of India ,An exciting Ashes etc.. Lot of backlog needs to be cleared... is it not ?:)

Let me accept the fact.Becoming a CA was a dream for me.It has happened ! It is very very important for people to live their dreams. It is a special feeling. Unfulfilled ambitions are the worst thing a person can have... If you want something very very badly , you will get it.. It may come late .. But it will come.. Believe..

Funny how things change with postive results and very ironical that 2012 is synonymous with apocalypse , for it is the year where I begin.(Please.. the world should not end now..)Does this angry young man still feel that life is unfair..?.. Yes.. He does.. He has reasons for it.. In future he may add to that profile of his that life is unfair but its still good..:) Now.. There you see a change..Dont you? (Hopefully , going forward no more depressing posts).. All seems well. Hakuna Matata :)(At least temporarily).

The strength I had during my school and college days vanished in the past four years.. All I want is to regain it. Yes.. I want that CHUTZPAH I once had back... and if that happens.. I am back completely...

"Some failure in life is inevitable.. It is impossible to live without failing in something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well never lived at all.In which case , you failed by default" - J K Rowling

Sprinkled like Asafoetida..

In spite of all the suffering and effort that life invariably implies, there are some moments which makes you feel that there's more to life than mere pain... Life I believe will someday give you opportunities where you can possibly redeem happiness equivalent to the pain you have suffered.Its like a token..I think it works in the reverse also...

Well.. How can you possibly explain the joy of walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air or listening to timeless music at midnight or freaking out at dance floor or a bike ride at 4 am on the beach road or the satisfaction of understanding a work of classic vernacular literature or THAT moment where you shed all your fears and say 'attack me now'...! I have experienced all of the above recently.All these are nothing but pure happiness.

However , for the past three years ,I have been leading a life that almost resembles an individual who has suffered a 'love failure'...(Oh.. I have once again began my sorrow tales)Yes.I did not get that one thing that I desired most in life.I was distraught and I am still.Here is where people around me left me stranded.

When someone attributes my failures to my complacency , I simply laugh and say yes... However deep inside I know that complacency is not the reason because complacency occurs only when you think you know everything. My case is entirely different. In fact ,I would have been successful if I had been complacent.Confusing ah?. It is not.Being complacent would have meant that I am confident.Mine was opposite. My problem was fear. The fear of failure. Wasim Akram says that the reason Pakistan performed very poorly in 1999 final was because the players were worried about 'what would happen if they lose' and they thought it was the 'be all and end all of everything'. It is not so. Unfortunately that realisation comes later much after the defeat. That's the reason why I feel mental stability , clarity of thoughts and tension free approach are most necessary to overcome hurdles. And.. the universe knows that I lack all three.

Another funny complaint that I often hear people around me say is that the problems in my life are due to the fact that I do not take life seriously... Again I laugh and move away from them (the only reason I go away is if I stay longer ,I might show my temper on them and they would even possibly bloat up like Aunt Marge.)..But only I know that all problems are due to the fact I take life very very very very seriously.. I now think I need to chill..Its again the reverse solution.I need to take it easy.When will people around me realise that ?!

Another complaint which is once again false is that it seems I am not very attached to whatever I do. How do I make them realise that my problem is too much of an attachment. An important fact that I have realised now on from a very important person in my life is anything and everything in this world needs detached attachment.(See.. I am good at oxymorons). Its very important.A very good example that I can quote is not getting angry when Indian Test Cricket Team lost to England. Yes. I wanted India to win.I wanted them to be NO.1. And if they dont perform well, I am obviously disappointed. But at the same time , I am not going to damage myself by getting angry and shouting abuses at them or calling up my friend and lamenting about the non performance of the Team and arguing with them. Absolutely needless.Saves a lot of energy and keeps me calm.Not only in cricket, it needs to be applied to everything.Job,Friends,Parents and whatever.

Now..There's a theory that people quote often to me.Its a variation (with time) of the basic theory that 'Not everyone gets everything'.I often wonder whether this works that way.This theory goes like this.. Lets assume two material rewards A and B which is progressive in nature (i.e after obtaining A , you obtain B). You work very hard to obtain A , and in the end you miss it or you get it delayed.But you don't struggle for B and obtain it very easily. Now there is another person. He gets A now but ends up in life struggling for B and in the end never obtains it.You can substitute anything as A and B but it should be progressive.

So.. As per this.When something gets delayed, does that mean something else (Very special) is waiting.. ? Does it mean that if you do not get now, you will be getting something else later in lieu of the thing that you are not able to get now. For eg: 'A' can be equivalent to 'marrying the person you love most' and 'B' can be equivalent to 'Happy married Life'. Similarly A can be 'Rank in graduation' and B can be 'Job satisfaction'.So you can imagine. If X gets A , he does not get B. If Y does not get B he gets A.How much of the theory is true I do not know.However what I know is this theory is often the best consolation given to a person who has failed.!Even if this theory is not true,it helps people to rise after they fall and that is the reason why I respect this theory. Whatever it is ,I believe there must be just that enough motivation to keep oneself going.Here is where I believe that life sprays just about that enough happiness in times of despair. Motivation is the reason.

Despite all the sprinkled happiness(para 2)on the personal front recently(supposedly for my motivation as I figure it out), I still believe life is unfair. Because life invariably offers pain and pain is one thing my mind refuses to accept anymore.And more so because no amount of happiness can possibly fully redeem pain. Its like compensation money or insurance money offered after disaster.And that is the reason why despite all the small happiness it seeks to give after giving you the pain..

I still hate the concept of Life.

Cold Rice..

How worse it is to be unemployed at the age of 23...? I sometimes feel shameful.It sometimes tends to affect you emotionally...No denying that it feels pathetic. However , these kind of thoughts occur during the first few days of being officially 'Vetti'... But as in anything , by due passage of time these kind of thoughts and feelings wear off though not compeletely.. You start hearing it often and if you happen to self depreciate yourself (i.e. before others do),believe me it doesn't hurt that much..

The one thing that gives me satisfaction(though touch disappointed) is the fact that I have been busy being vetti (odd na?). There were several things I always wanted to do but never could allocate time for it...I must say I have fulfilled some of them during this time... First and foremost I obtained my driving licence.(Yes.. I also now know when to use the word license and when to use the word licence(which has always wanted to learn and would forget somehow))..I quite surprised myself with the number of books I caught up with. 'Standing My Ground' - Matthew Hayden, The Mahabharatha(finally I read it), The White Tiger and I am halfway through a book which unfortunately brings back some bad memories.. I have desired of maintaining a library of all songs of Illayaraja. I did achieve that partly when I happened to collect around 700 songs from Kamal Hassan movies and I took the pains to have it sorted film wise,director wise, singer wise , music director wise with everything being chronologically listed...and yes.. I finished 'Angry Birds'... I caught up with quite a number of movies.. Almost all releases one could say... Watched Cricket madly.. That is to say not even missing a single ball in a session.. I blogged quite a bit.. I met up with some old friends..

Also as irony would have it , I was invited to attend a seminar on "Work Life Balance".. This was because a lot of people who were to attend backed out( because they had office..!) and I was asked to fill up (by my college mate who works in the firm that conducted the seminar)so that there is at least some size-able crowd... Frankly I went there for the Buffet lunch they had promised to offer.. Alas, I also ended up having food for thought.. I know a lot of people feel that seminars and other such programs are useless.. I am still of the same opinion , but this one was different... Every issue that came up there was which I had already undergone previously which I did not know how to handle... All along the seminar , my thinking was 'Had I known how to handle this before, things could have been different'...

To think that I deserved this break would amount to saying too much.. Simply because , I know a lot of people who deserve a break.. And I know I dont.. But as life would have it , I am now on a pause button.. BUT this button I think is very important to anyone who is emotionally unstable like me.. There is a lot to reflect..You lazily look back at events and try to find faults in your own self..I did.I felt my mistakes were due to age and temper which can easily be put to being immature.. In difficult situations , some people are mature enough early to appreciate the consequence and react accordingly.Some people are overcome by intense anger that their minds cease to think...Easily I belong to the latter category..How much of the past is relevant?. Some are of the opinion that it is totally irrelevant. Learn from the past but do not brood over it say some.Never forget the past say some. I am not sure. But I know that all of us look at the past and surely say 'It could have been better'.I am no different... With all the time I had , I did reflect..


Coming back to vettiness , The secret to enjoy being vetti is the fact that you must not be bored... And I am not bored.. Not yet.. I may be soon.. I know it and that is my fear..:).. Well, Summa irukkarudhu na summa va ?.. It requires talent and I am very talented.. :)

OF PEDALS AND BRAKES...

As I had already mentioned in one of my previous posts , I once got 3rd rank (and Varun got Second Rank.. Only one rank behind Varun...!(and I remember only one mark behind him..!) Wow! what an achievement!!) while I was at 3rd class at School.I look back at this 'Incident' often because it has had and it continues to have a very very significant impact on my life.Exactly one year back, when I was in complete mess with nil ego and negative self worth, I became a 'scavenger' who was searching for confidence of some kind from somewhere and this one (infact only) incident said to me I had once been among the top 5 in a class of 35 (i.e within 15 %) and I still can. This also said to me , If the pass percentage of CA final becomes 15 , I would pass. This hypothesis of mine may sound absolutely stupid to some.However it is not so. You must at some point of time in your life been devoid of self worth to understand this.

I also believe it is always very easy to say that "I will prove him wrong.." or "I will show them what I am made of" and proving to others is according to me is also very easy. I will tell you what is agony and misery. It is saying "Aiyo.. I have to prove it to myself..".. I have been through this.I know the pain. Hence the feeling that I once been among the top 5 in class gave me the soothing effect.

I 'showed what I am made of' to my father(I had promised that I would get into top 3) and hence he got me a BSA-Champ (as he promised) and I insisted it had to be without the support wheels on the side.Half of him wanted me to have this cycle and half of him did not.The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A rickety child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The awareness that this is what the child will always need can knock them hard.(Sometimes , ironic it may sound 'I too feel proud' about what I write, the previous two sentences are such lines.)
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I rode this cycle only within my street. I put upon myself a self imposed boundary. I would not even cross the road.For 'To' I was keeping left. For 'Fro' I was keeping right. However after one and a half years , I grew up and so did my audacity. And for the first time I crossed the road and I was properly keeping left. And only when I did try to cross back again I came as an obstacle to this speeding motorcyclist who in order to not hit me put his front brakes and ceased the motion of the vehicle. However a newtons law(I dont know which) of motion started working and he flew above me and broke not his crown but his helmet alone and I ran after (to my home).

After my parents mitigated for his damages by giving him some money.I was banned to bicycle. That was it. The end of BSA Champ. The champ had become junk. The champ I referred was myself.
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I was in 8th Class and my father decided to buy me a bicycle so that I was no more 'dependent'on my ever punctual School Bus and 'Benjamin'- The rash and arrogant Bus Driver.I was also in a way missing 'Bhakthavatsalam' - The sedate and signal obeying Bus Driver. He had been demoted that year. The school's population had reached something similar to 'Stage 2 of the Demographic Transition' and hence more and more parents depended on our school's own transport to 'pick up and drop' their children.The school authorities to cope with the rush leased a second hand van which 'Bhakthavatsalam' had to drive.
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My parents for once felt I needed to be independent.They said I had to go alone to shops. I had to go alone to a saloon.When they are late , I had to stay back alone at home. They said I had to become responsible..(A Refrain I have been hearing for a long long time).. However.. For all this to happen.. I Said .. First.. I have to have my own bicycle..(or else how will I go to shops and saloon alone depending again on the 'Pallavan'..)
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So.. Myself and my father went to this very famous cycle shop at Broadway(quite contrary to its narrow lane) to buy a Bicycle.. I had already made up my mind to buy the 'geared' cycle.The fascination with gears had started that early.I wanted blue colour but the shop had inventory of only grey colour.However at the joy of getting a cycle, I ignored the choice of colour.
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And so from 'Broadway' to 'Mylapore' began my first journey in my brand new Hercules 'Top Gear'. As the name suggests it was a very 'herculean' task for me to ride the cycle.First, I felt I did not have total control of my cycle as my leg did not reach the ground while I sat on it and secondly the front brakes constantly rubbed against the front wheel as I rode.This is frustrating.
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The effort I was putting to pedal did not quite get me the speed that it deserved.When 'efforts' do not yield the 'deserved results' and when there is something else that is stopping the momentum , all that crops up is disappointment , anger , frustration , irritation and not to mention hot tears .When I look back at this journey from 'Broadway to Mylapore' today , a question that arises in my mind is whether efforts are directly proportional to results ?. And I stand (after having fallen twice) before you today bringing an important truth that sometimes efforts are not directly proportional to results. It is certainly not inversely proportional too. The correlation between efforts and results is certainly not '1'.There is something else.
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Some people call it luck. Some call it divine intervention. I dont know. From a firm believer in luck , I have now began saying 'Luck is cruel. It attaches itself to people who do not depend on it'.
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I think the year I got that bicycle was 2000.'Broadway' to 'Mylapore' seemed eternity.Even more so with those non aligned wheel. So, as I rode I was immersed in futuristic thoughts .I had written an essay in school. It was like , I had solved the Y2K problem and I was rewarded.The fascination with the number 2000 gave rise too many questions and interpretations.
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I felt that many people tend to round off the period from '2000' to '2009' as the first decade of the new century. I wanted to say to them that..'2000' does not belong to the family of the first decade of the new century. This was my personal view and I knew many people would not subscibe to my view outright considering my 'affinity' towards Mathematics.. :)). Also , In the previous century , people referred a year by its last two digits. No problem. What wondered me is the fact that people had ceased to do it the next immediate century ?. Queer!. Cant get it..? See '1997' was simply referred colloquially just as '97'. Why have the people not followed suit ?. Why is '2000' not referred just as '0'. '2001' was not referred as 'one'.
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Thirdly,(this was due to the fact that I saw 'Hey Ram') I wanted to advice people. I wanted them not to write the date as 31.12.00 for 31.12.2000. Why u ask..?.I felt that suppose you write 31.12.00 , the archeologists who will see our writings thousands and thousands of years later may not be able find out the exact date of our works easily when they dig for something called 'Coovum Valley Civilisation'. (Civilisation??.. Are we Sure..??.. We'll settle that question later..). They may get confused whether its 31.12.2000 or 31.12.1900!. I felt this would be a great favour for 'generations to come'.
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And all this thought occured to me as I rode that bicycle.As Christoper Morley put it... "The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets". And hence I knew I was a futuristic thinker !. The point that I really want to make here is at that time , I felt I was extremely brilliant. I was antonym to modesty. I now realise that sometimes it is good to not to be modest.
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Hercules Top Gear had a depreciation(all because of my rough handling) rate of 50 percent for a year.And so by the time I reached my plus one( which is also quite an achievement) , I wanted a cycle once again to commute to school which was good 3.5 Kms away.
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I bought this conventional 'Annamalai' cycle... I had then moved to a suburb that is according to me wrongly christened 'Nanganallur'.Nangai'(women) 'Nal' (Good) 'Oor' (Town). I with all my experience now confess none of the women there are 'good' now both in terms of looks and behavior.Since I was new to the place , I did not know the 'route' to my school. I would wait in my cycle at the corner of my street. A 'fleet' of girls with uniform of my school would travel. I used to follow them.(simply because i did not know the route). They had a routine 'long' route by which all their friends home gets covered.They thought I was a 'Poriki' following them everywhere. It took me one week to get a grip of the place and I found a route which was most convenient.I now realise when you follow someone else's route , all you get is bad name even though your intentions are not bad.!

And..from now on.. My way will be always different.
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After school I did not require cycle. I became dependent on my friends who had bikes.Hence one day my parents sold this 'Annamalai' cycle of mine without my consent. I was livid with them. I felt as though a part of mine was being sold.... And I realise now that it was not part of mine but part of life. I have to move on. Separation is inevitable. See how relevant the main title of my blog is!
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And Now I move on with regrets that I have shown moments of madness. The past is something that I want to 'obliviate' asap. I have not been able to cross the line and also I have never been able to get the 'good' name that I felt I deserved ....I am a good person. I know. I hope others will also know.
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As an anonymous said.. 'A bicycle does get you there and more And there is always the thin edge of danger to keep you alert and comfortably apprehensive. Dogs become dogs again and snap at your feet; potholes become personal. And getting there is all the fun.'..

FUN - The word for which I have been searching the meaning for quite sometime now.

The Catch in Transit

My favorite word in English for sometime now is a word called 'Transition' certainly ignoring the fact that this word is mostly used by astrologers who always seem to say... "Hmmm.. Sani is causing lot of problems... in 7 and a half years it will transit..then it will be better..". (Sani or Myself ?) After seven and a half years , all one will be is only BETTER.? WTF?........ and thats precisely the point I want to convey...

BEING BETTER IS NOT TRANSITION.Its something more.. Its being BEST..and more importantly consistently being the best.

For me no one is dumb.(There are people who 'THINK' they are super intellectual creation and all others are dumb. Haven't we seen them give "Why on earth where u born ?" kind of look to others.. A false sense of superiority.. Just cant understand from where does that haughtiness (spelling correct a?) crops up . Those who pounce upon every chance they get to ridicule others. The best thing I can do is only laugh at them ...For me everybody has the potential.Its just about putting aside the fears and moving on.. In other words everyone is capable .. Yes.. capable of 'making the cut'. (unless of course they don't want to!)

AND

Aren't they real life examples of people making the cut.. Well certainly i would classify them as :

a) Who have Made the Cut..
b) Who are in the process of Making the Cut..
c) Who might probably Make the cut...(whom i sincerely hope they do)

So...Lets see some of them. How where they..? How are they ? How will they be ?..

Will begin with the opener himself.

From BOY --- > to ---> MAN....
What better example to quote than Gautam Gambhir.Sometimes it can be just one innings of a cricketer that can change everything.That innings came to him in Napier in early
2009.

March 2009 in Napier is a time in life of Gautam Gambhir that neither he or I can easily forget.A match-saving 643-minute marathon, for just 137 runs.!!!!!!No man has batted longer in the second innings in 10 years. It is the fifth-longest effort in second innings in all Test cricket. He had to bat two and a half days to save the test match. He was scoring at 1 run an hour.Sachin batting with him during that marathon session supposedly said "Sometimes what you are doing for the team is much more important than your personal goals. I think this innings will take you to another level. Don't think about your individual score, just think about the team. Maybe this innings will be the best you have played for India, and this could be the best anybody can play".. There was it. Sachin hugged him after the game which Gautam Gambhir himself admits as the greatest moment in his career... VVS laxman still rates that innings as the best he has seen. Sometimes saving is much more important than winning.Look at the scorecard of that match.

Murali Vijay might score centuries in his absence. Pujara may score.His form may dip as has recently. Runs might dry up from his bat for some more matches. Whatever it might be.... I cannot imagine an Indian cricket team without Gambhir in all three forms of the game. Thats the kind of impact he has made. Steve Waugh was once asked about the reason for the Aussie juggernaut under his captaincy. He replied 'When Justin Langer and Matthew Hayden go out to the middle ,we are so confident of them.Ricky does not even pad up until 1 hour before the lunch. If the beginning is right , most often than not the result will also be right.For us the beginning is perfect and hence the result'.

& that answers why India is World No 1 in test cricket.
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THE SHINING LOTUS...
B J P. What a change we are seeing.!
Was not the Allahabad High court decision their victory ?. The verdict said what they have been saying for all along.However they maintained a 'dignified Silence'. No celebrations. No crackers. No sweet distribution.

Remember...? The Central Government gave full page advertisements in all the dailies (both english and vernacular) 2 weeks before the verdict appealing for Calm.. But Hey..! Was the common man bothered about the verdict?.He has his own problems. (Sadly the likes Barkha Dutt , Rajdeep Sardesai and Arnab Goswami were more bothered about the verdict than BJP or for that matter Ravi Shankar Prasad (who was the lawyer in the case).)This is where I felt the congress failed miserably trying to project itself as a secular party.! I feel at least BJP has an Ideology called Hindutva. (which sometimes they use and sometimes they don't.). What have you got?.Pity they cant even say successful commonwealth games.

Speaking of Commonwealth Games. My God.!What commotion. Even without television during those days , I could get a pulse of the Indian Media.!(Who always seem to share a similarity with the British Press). Just imagining 'Headlines today' reporting Commonwealth games , Obama Visit , Indian cricket team's victory against Australia , 'Spectrum' Raja (better word than 'Pokiri' Raja which is very blunt) gave me sleepless nights.

I want to quote here my favorite goof up of CWG Games.This supposedly happened 4 days before the event when the Pragati Maidan was opened as the 'Official Media Centre'.As per the rules, only 2 people from the same news network are allowed access. Fair enough. Now comes the comedy. There was this British journalist who had come to register and get access to the media centre. During registration , he was asked from which News organisation is he from and he replied " No news network.. I am a freelancer". Now the shocking reply . "Sorry Sir.. There are already 2 People who have registered from freelancer and you cant be granted access".!!!. Seriously laugh out loud. !

The congress projecting themselves as the 'do gooder' for the minority community is failing miserably.P Chidambaram tried his luck by using 'Saffron Terror' word. Again all that BJP did was remain silent. The congress rather needs to focus on development rather than focus on they being mighty 'secular'party. Narendra Modi , and today Nitish Kumar have fought anti incumbency and have sweeped elections. The reason for their victory is development and nothing else.(Sadly only Karunanidhi in this country can win back to back elections without an iota of development.Tirumangalam by polls for example.Absolute lack of respect to democracy.DMK can be rechristened as - Delhi Money For Karunanidhi or even Democracy's Money for Karunanidhi).

But I am not for stalling of parliament sessions.That shows that BJP is still has not completely changed. Paulo Coehlo tweeted that 'Election is about choosing the person you hate the least'.

And I certainly seem to hate BJP the least..
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RAJINIKANTH
Pleasant surprise watching Endhiran. What performance !. What a talented actor who sadly has wasted 2 decades swirling cigarettes. The first thing is there is no intro song.!Rajini fears when a apple is kept on his head.! Rajini vs Kalabhavan Mani.. Rajini uses brain than brawns. ! Wow what a change.! Certainly did not expect it from the superstar. Even Rajini wants a change. Great news.! He certainly seems to be in a transition mode.


And there are other people who have made it big.Think of Surya..From being absolutely hopeless to becoming the favorite actor of Ram Gopal Varma.(Sincerly hoping Rakhtha Charitram does not become RGV ki Doosra AAG )However Personally I dont like Surya's films. Rohan Boppana - The US open Finalist. But more importantly the person responsible for the Indian Davis Cup team to be part of the World Group. .Sadly he has been in the transition stage for so long and we have failed to recognize the abundance of talent he possesses.
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And there are some who will never change. Headlines Today , Vijay (I felt Sura was much better than Tiruppachi.), Karunanidhi , Jayalalitha , Shankar and Nudity. (Why Shankar has this affinity towards nudity. Right from Kaadhalan - Prabhu Deva goes nude in Police station. Jeans - He goes a step further by showing only the skeleton. Mudhalvan - Arjun runs nude and jumps into coovum. Boys -Siddarth runs nude in Mount Road , and now to Endhiran - a girl rescued sans clothes from a fire.) Simbhu - The Playboy forever. Dont say with VTV , he has changed. I thought so when he did 'Thotti Jaya'(His best movie till date) and was fooled completely .. and there are many more...
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So why talk about transition suddenly ?. Well its because yours truly badly needs a transition. The question is whether he is 'blessed' with it?.. Or may be (as some say) has he already reached the 'Saturation Point'?..

Waiting for the answer.

I am no Vampire.. But I am Smart..

'Girls do not look smart. They look beautiful. Only Boys look smart.' was the reply message I got to the SMS I had sent 'Watch HP.. Emma looks Smart..! Hurry..'

I felt that message was more a lesson on 'Growing up' than a lesson on English usage. This happened during my first year at college.Obviously I had not 'grown up' then.However today that message seems to me as something which is not exactly correct.Why can't a girl look smart? and why cant a boy look beautiful..?. No energy to argue.(Frankly,I have no points)..Its just a feel.. but to the bigger issue..

So this 'extra effort' before the mirror(and more often than not you satisfy the ego like the accident affected Kamal of Anbesivam).I recently came across the term 'Glampire' in a newspaper. The article gave tips on how to look glamorous like a Vampire!. In this age , even vampires look hot.!Obviously this has been post'Twilight' effect. Literally 'post twilight' is 'Night', where one has to sleep and stop thinking about looking good. I haven't read the books nor watched them , but the writer has got one pulse right. Girls today will like even Vampires. Only condition, It must look good.....

Being the prankster that I was , I have never bothered about the way I look or rather I thought I looked OK.I knew I was not HOT. But that thing never came to my mind somehow. However , that was of course until Class X.Go to a new place and things change.Being a newcomer at school in Class XI , I was surprised myself. My popularity ratings soared up in the first week of my arrival.The things that you never ever thought about or cared about will come to the forefront when estrogen's approach and sometimes propose. The poor testosterone works/reacts or worse thinks.Sometimes thinks too much.It thinks it looks smart.

For the first time in my life , I was bothered about the way I combed my hair. Sometimes I feel my hair is like me.It never flattens. Every time you try to make it straight , it pops up.If you dig deep into my hair , you can find a habitat of creatures that are normally found on top shelfs of abandoned biology labs.And I am not exaggerating. I put in the pains to make my hair presentable in public. Suddenly you start looking at hair styles. And by my research in those days Shah Rukh's hair in 'DIL SE'(especially that 'Dil se re' song) was my favorite and Bobby Deol's being my least favorite.

Another thing being a teen that bothers those days are the 'Stalactites' and 'Stalagmites' that occur on your face.Yes.. Worse thing being a teen is being affected with acne and pimples.We also feel that we get pimples because somebody actually is looking at us which is absolute stupidity.(Remember Cheran's Autograph?).
Never before heard words like sandal paste , turmeric powder,(There is always dilemma turmeric powder, it cures pimples but also stops any growth of hair..), Skin doctor consultations occur..

Another thing.. You were specs, you are smart..Wow..!.. Go then.. Buy it right away...!

As this madness went on.. But it all stopped somewhere down the line, and thank god for that....
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There came a time when I was extremely insecure about how smart I was. This happened because as days went by , the definition of smartness had changed.Smartness was more like "Wow...he knows the LOG book By heart".(There was one chap whom I thought was a smart guy because he knew the log book by heart.Looking back he was the dumbest I have seen.)

I wanted to be this 'Smart' and I dug deep.I think it was probably choosing a course that one normally avoids did it in. I was doing something not too many people knew anything about but have lot of opinions. Suddenly there are benchmarks to pitch me against. I was not allowed to freely pursue my own version of being smart but more importantly, I was expected to be accountable for my stupidity,simply because lot of people could really make out when I was being stupid.

Again.. The Definition of being Smart had changed..

Smartness now means the satisfaction of understanding a conversation and being able to either contribute to it or learn from it. There arises comparisons with "smarter" people and , I don't care. There are moments when I am humbled just listening to someone explain something so passionately.People have extremely twisted definitions for this word "smart" and most of them involves coming first in class or clearing CA exams the first time around.(which on further scrutiny would prove the opposite.)


And by my own interpretation of what smartness really means , I am quite a genius.!!


BTW.. Who's Robert Pattinson...???


P.S. When your mind is constantly preoccupied with something else , all your creativity(if any)can offer only this bit of crap.(Read Shameless Self Appraisal).

Are we forgetting Something ??

How nice it is to a have a glimpse from the other side.The Same event from different angle.By being empathetic,we might as well try to be happy with honesty, integrity, manners, patience, giving, helping, sharing.

Anger is a natural human emotion, which aids the fight or flight mechanism we experience when danger is perceived. The problem is not anger itself; the problem is how we manage our anger. Too often, uncontrolled anger becomes a habit, and our normal way of interacting with those around us.

No amount of excuses can be supportive of bad behaviour ( Surely..I am ashamed of myself). Resentment is a form of anger that does more damage to the holder than the offender.I call it a habit because it is a habitual way of behaving and responding to circumstances of which I disapprove. It is not 'how I am' - it is 'how I react'.You may feel that you are in the RIGHT when you get angry. But the key is this: does it make you HAPPY? Does it contribute towards your happiness and that of the people around you?.NO.

There's also a blow to our peace of mind of endlessly going over events, re-running them and re-feeling the feelings over and over again! And each day watching for all the opportunities to feel annoyed.The worst part of getting angry is repenting about it later. Our self esteem suffers - we afterwards feel bad with ourself because of how we've let ourselves down and lost control.

We feel bad about how others view you. Our family,friends tend to treat us with caution, because they cannot relax in our company but have to remain on guard, waiting for the next explosion. Then there's all the apologising and making up - 'I'm sorry. I'll never do or say that again, I promise!' And no one believes you.Pathetic.

An angry man is again angry with himself, when he returns to reason.After an angry exchange you can be affected for hours or even days as you endlessly go over the event in your mind, churning up the anger feelings and adding to them. And during this period your mood is being ruled by the memory of the person with whom you are angry. You are not in charge. You are a victim of the event.

Anger consumes huge amounts of mental and physical energy, takes from our enjoyment of life, interferes with constructive and useful thinking, threatens our relationships, undermines our self esteem and, in extremes, can obsesses us that it crowds most other thoughts from our minds.

In my case ,The first reaction I always give is an over-reaction. The belief that once I get my way on this matter, I'll be happy is an illusion. The need to control is wide spread in the life of an angry person. It never is in just one area or with one person. This means an angry person is living his life like an active volcano, erupting all over the people they care about most...

I am an uncontrollable person when I am 'angry'.. I am a person who bangs his head sometimes with palm..mostly on a wooden door...I Punch the wall with my fists.. Throw tantrums.. Rip papers..Throw things around.. Lol.. Funnier things have happened...

So what is the Cure..? Mediation , yoga... Art of living.. etc...etc.. NO... All Bullshit according to me...It only adds to further Anger...The real solution is very simple and available with all of us but we use it very rarely because we often forget it..

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Hey... We(I) often forget to LAUGH !

Make the Most of Now...

A 'lot' of people ( say Mr Matador, Ms Volatility , Mr Super Subbu ) have expressed concern for my depressive state of my mind and Ms Volatility and Mr Super Subbu even offered solutions.

Why am i depressed? Well, one reason is evident from my previous post and others maybe from some of my previous posts... Looking at the bigger picture, I realized the problem with me is that I think too much into the future , do too much of self introspection and when I am not able to obtain any happiness , I get depressed.

This is the right time to understand the phrase 'Carpe Diem'(borrowed from Kd,Similar to Kd) .. A latin phrase meaning 'Snatch the day'..

I think its perfect to catch this video.. (Vodafone AD)



Carpe Diem .. Make the Most of Now.. WOW... Beautiful.

Its wonderful to make the most of now and be happy. We longer living creatures must surely learn the lesson.All sounds great is it not?

Now look at this Video posted below (above ad's spoof...!!)



Oops.. This is my problem ( Pl help )!!!!..

Terminate to stigmatize..

Do not Brand...
for the soul might crack..

Do not Denounce..
for the soul might burst..

Do not Stamp...
for the soul might crash..

Do not Stain..
for the soul might shatter..

Do not Mark..
for the soul might break..

Do not Reproach..
for the soul might Fracture..

Do not Stigmatize..
For there might be a Debacle..
For there might be a rupture..
For there might be a derailment..
For there might be a malfunction..

Cease to stigmatize..
Its now or never..

for there is Catastrophe already..!!

Not worried ... Just Perplexed...!!!

Seriously...
This is alarming...
This is just too much...
There is always a limit...
But I am to blame...

Since...
It is My future...
It is My Dream...
If I do not ..??

As...
The countdown begins...
The fear grips...
The probabilities occur...
The prayers begin

But am I the only one to blame ?

AND Therefore...

I am NOT worried BUT just perplexed...!!!

Its COMEBACK time folks..!!!!

This Winter has been a sort of dampener in terms of weather. Its been very warm in the afternoons... In fact its not been like winter at all.. Adding to it is the unseasonal rain.. A "dampener" really..But thank GOD..!! The disappointment is only with the weather.. No other serious complaints..

In fact the positive aspect of this season has been the remarkable comebacks... No one in their wildest of dreams would have imagined Team India to win the T20 world cup... that too after being humiliated in the 50 over version of the same tournament...Perhaps the England cricket team ( my favorite) is the only one which hasn't risen from the "ASHES"..Maybe they don't believe in phoenix 'birthology'..

Comebacks have always been unexpected.. but you can bank upon one person to Comeback strong....After a stupid film called Fanaa at the beginning of the year , this Gentleman has comeback with one of the most beautifully written scripts about parenting...Tats Aamir Khan for you...& Taare Zameen Par for you..!

Coming back to cricket.. Who can forget DADA ?... ridiculed by many , this guy knows the pain of being let down... who else but DADA at that age can comeback and win the 'MAN of the series'.. Want to know the difference between MEN & BOYS ? rewind DADA 2007...

6 months back .. No one really gave him a chance... lots were being said... Hindutva , Anti-Incumbency , Dip in Popularity , Rebel forces , extreme speeches , warnings from Election commission , Fake encounter controversy ... Still one man has comeback.... You can ask him questions.. he may struggle to answer in words but he knows how to answer in action... Here he's after winning the Gujarat election .. the CM who calls his post as Common Man (CM).. but I call it (Comeback Man)... Narendra Modi - the man with the Intelligent brain....!!

On a personal note , after a very poor season in culturals.. Here I am back with prizes and laurels at Loyola college..!! I have won before... But the victory tastes sweeter after I had a rough patch ..!!








If you notice the above cases except mine , its all been pure talent , Grit , Determination , Sincerity and of course the PASSION..!! Now that tells you the secret for 'comebacks'..

Its been an UP and DOWN life for many... Seriously , Not many people mind ups and downs... However the degree of deviation matters...Its often said that GREAT PEOPLE UNDERGO EXTREME UP & DOWN GRAPH IN COMPARISON WITH OTHERS... The list above is STRICTLY about GREAT PEOPLE ONLY( which of course includes me!!)

Its one year --- Way To Go...

Time flies really fast.. It seems only a month ago I started blogging , but one year has gone by...

In this post , I thought I could look back at the events that happened in the past year.

After I started Blogging ....

--> I got the result of my semester exams and I top the class.
--> I had a great cultural season in which I won in all events I participated .
--> I was nearly rusticated twice from the college .
--> The college underwent a strike in which a I played a major part.
--> I was put off for 2 weeks by a disgusting disease called 'Leptospirosis'
--> I shifted my home 3 times..!!
--> I woke up every alternate day for four months @ 4 Am to attend Accountancy Class.
--> A fortnight before my Intermediate exams , I was in bed for 5 days with
Chicken pox.
--> I cleared my Intermediate group 1 with the minimum required marks of 150.
--> I became The cultural secretary.
--> A bad cultural season followed in which I won only 3 out of 9 events I participated.
--> I accidentaly got into a profile in Orkut which had porn and my Dad thought I purposely went he's not speaking with me since then .

Finally , I end up with 50 posts in this 1 year , by no means a meagre achievement!!

My life has never been the same after I started to blog!!!

Relief at last....

There's no other tension compared to the tension of waiting for CA results...
& I Passed...& just passed...PE-2 first group...

I know I have 3 more papers to clear Pe-2... but I have surely crossed a hurdle..

A spree of good things..(4 myself,Nation& England)

Lot of good things have happened in the last one week & i dont know why....

8) Hooray , Becks back in form.... ( balls curling and swirling again)

7) Sivaji isn't a great movie after all.( A sadist kamal fan in me waiting 4 Dasavatharam )

6 ) It's been raining here ( alteast overcast ) for past one week.

5 ) I have moved to a new home & I have got a room for myself.

4) Pietersen says no to captaincy.( chances of losing his touch seems unlikely).

3) India's tour to Ireland and England are being telecast in SUN NEWS !.

2) The last semester results are out & I top the class with 495/600.

1 ) Kalam is back in the race for President(Thanks to JAYA).

Hope this rare period in continues....

It was true ...!!

It was 12th july 2006 . The results of Ca foundation exams were due next day at 2 pm!!
I was very tensed. i could not sleep that night . .. . .

8 am , 13th july... i just woke up. i was trying to be normal.
Then for the first time since my exams , i looked through the question paper !!

I knew instantly that i would fail in mathematics . i had no hope.

10 am, a message comes, i heard that results would come by 11 am. it was preponed ...!!

11 am, phone rings , it was aarthi on the line.."congrats" i heard. i was stunned.
she said " you have scored 241. accounts -56,maths-50(escape !),economics-65,bc & om-70.

Seriously i could'nt believe.! the first thing i enquired was whether it was my results.
she said " yes". i thanked her a lot and rushed to a nearby browsing centre.

ya !!! she was true!!. I decided to contact her for every future result.
How nice i felt ...!!!