Sprinkled like Asafoetida..

In spite of all the suffering and effort that life invariably implies, there are some moments which makes you feel that there's more to life than mere pain... Life I believe will someday give you opportunities where you can possibly redeem happiness equivalent to the pain you have suffered.Its like a token..I think it works in the reverse also...

Well.. How can you possibly explain the joy of walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air or listening to timeless music at midnight or freaking out at dance floor or a bike ride at 4 am on the beach road or the satisfaction of understanding a work of classic vernacular literature or THAT moment where you shed all your fears and say 'attack me now'...! I have experienced all of the above recently.All these are nothing but pure happiness.

However , for the past three years ,I have been leading a life that almost resembles an individual who has suffered a 'love failure'...(Oh.. I have once again began my sorrow tales)Yes.I did not get that one thing that I desired most in life.I was distraught and I am still.Here is where people around me left me stranded.

When someone attributes my failures to my complacency , I simply laugh and say yes... However deep inside I know that complacency is not the reason because complacency occurs only when you think you know everything. My case is entirely different. In fact ,I would have been successful if I had been complacent.Confusing ah?. It is not.Being complacent would have meant that I am confident.Mine was opposite. My problem was fear. The fear of failure. Wasim Akram says that the reason Pakistan performed very poorly in 1999 final was because the players were worried about 'what would happen if they lose' and they thought it was the 'be all and end all of everything'. It is not so. Unfortunately that realisation comes later much after the defeat. That's the reason why I feel mental stability , clarity of thoughts and tension free approach are most necessary to overcome hurdles. And.. the universe knows that I lack all three.

Another funny complaint that I often hear people around me say is that the problems in my life are due to the fact that I do not take life seriously... Again I laugh and move away from them (the only reason I go away is if I stay longer ,I might show my temper on them and they would even possibly bloat up like Aunt Marge.)..But only I know that all problems are due to the fact I take life very very very very seriously.. I now think I need to chill..Its again the reverse solution.I need to take it easy.When will people around me realise that ?!

Another complaint which is once again false is that it seems I am not very attached to whatever I do. How do I make them realise that my problem is too much of an attachment. An important fact that I have realised now on from a very important person in my life is anything and everything in this world needs detached attachment.(See.. I am good at oxymorons). Its very important.A very good example that I can quote is not getting angry when Indian Test Cricket Team lost to England. Yes. I wanted India to win.I wanted them to be NO.1. And if they dont perform well, I am obviously disappointed. But at the same time , I am not going to damage myself by getting angry and shouting abuses at them or calling up my friend and lamenting about the non performance of the Team and arguing with them. Absolutely needless.Saves a lot of energy and keeps me calm.Not only in cricket, it needs to be applied to everything.Job,Friends,Parents and whatever.

Now..There's a theory that people quote often to me.Its a variation (with time) of the basic theory that 'Not everyone gets everything'.I often wonder whether this works that way.This theory goes like this.. Lets assume two material rewards A and B which is progressive in nature (i.e after obtaining A , you obtain B). You work very hard to obtain A , and in the end you miss it or you get it delayed.But you don't struggle for B and obtain it very easily. Now there is another person. He gets A now but ends up in life struggling for B and in the end never obtains it.You can substitute anything as A and B but it should be progressive.

So.. As per this.When something gets delayed, does that mean something else (Very special) is waiting.. ? Does it mean that if you do not get now, you will be getting something else later in lieu of the thing that you are not able to get now. For eg: 'A' can be equivalent to 'marrying the person you love most' and 'B' can be equivalent to 'Happy married Life'. Similarly A can be 'Rank in graduation' and B can be 'Job satisfaction'.So you can imagine. If X gets A , he does not get B. If Y does not get B he gets A.How much of the theory is true I do not know.However what I know is this theory is often the best consolation given to a person who has failed.!Even if this theory is not true,it helps people to rise after they fall and that is the reason why I respect this theory. Whatever it is ,I believe there must be just that enough motivation to keep oneself going.Here is where I believe that life sprays just about that enough happiness in times of despair. Motivation is the reason.

Despite all the sprinkled happiness(para 2)on the personal front recently(supposedly for my motivation as I figure it out), I still believe life is unfair. Because life invariably offers pain and pain is one thing my mind refuses to accept anymore.And more so because no amount of happiness can possibly fully redeem pain. Its like compensation money or insurance money offered after disaster.And that is the reason why despite all the small happiness it seeks to give after giving you the pain..

I still hate the concept of Life.

The Curious Case of Chennai's Bus Routes.

Q)What is the shortest distance between two random points ??. We all know the answer. Don't we?. The answer is 'A Straight Line' .Now the modified question. Q)What is the longest distance between two short distance points ???. The answer - Bus routes in Chennai.!No.Its not a joke.Seriously, I do not expect the bus routes here to be in a straight line. However is it wrong to expect it to be sensible ? I have been searching for some sort of logic in the way these routes have been framed by our authorities.There is none.

I am now quite familiar with majority of the bus routes in Chennai and the truth is its all messy. Even though the quality of buses have improved , it still cannot take away the irritation of travelling in a bus which takes the longest possible route to reach a destination.Take for example the evergreen 5B[T Nagar(Terminus) -> Mylapore (Tank)].The Shortest route is to go straight from T Nagar(Terminus) and then take a right to Nandanam Signal and then proceed straight to reach Mandaveli and Mylapore.What should normally be a 15 minute ride(Nandanam signal permitting) takes 45 mins to 1 hr. Our 5B goes to Saidapet -> Little Mount -> Adyar -> Mandaveli to reach Mylapore.. Imagine an outsider coming to the city and boarding a bus to Mylapore from T Nagar.All he gets travelling by 5B is some free sightseeing of Chennai. He can gawp in awe through the windows when the conductor whistles and says Raj Bhavan,Anna university,Sathya Studio etc..Surely a non chennaitte will remember that to reach mylapore , one must go via Anna University...!. I asked the logic behind 5B route while travelling in 5B to that driver himself.His argument was that this route was framed so that its easy for people in Saidapet and Adyar to reach Mylapore.!.Enna kodumai sir idhu?. The people in Saidapet can reach Mylapore by boarding 45B and people in Adyar can reach Mylapore by boarding 29C.!Why is there a need for 5B then? Bring this point to him and he says 'aamaan illa'!..

The Hero among all routes that I have travelled is 41D[Mandaveli - Avadi].Instead of boarding 41D,You can walk from Mandaveli and reach Anna Nagar earlier. True.I once boarded at Mandaveli around 8 A.M in hope that worst come worst I would be at Anna Nagar by 9.30 A.M and I ended up reaching there only by 10.30 A.M.I just could not quite understand why this bus goes to Nandanam , Ega theatre etc to reach Anna Nagar!.

There is another irritant by the name of 12C [Saligrammam -> Mylapore(Tank)]. I had an irritating experience with this bus when I was in Class X. It was getting late to school and I was crossing Teynampet Signal to catch 12B[Vadapalani ->Foreshore Estate]at SIET.(12B does not stop at Teynampet signal.It turns left and stops next to SIET College which is about 100 Meters away from the signal.) I saw a bus stuggling to get past signal.From a distance it seemed to be 12B.I boarded it and to my horror found it going straight and not turning left.(I had free school bus pass at that time and I could board any bus). I had boarded on 12C..! In a hurry , I got down at Nandanam and ran back to Teynampet to catch 12B...Had I been on the bus without getting down , I would have reached School 1 hr earlier.Felt bad that day , If only all the buses plying to Mylapore had the same bus routes , I would not have experienced that.

Speaking of 12B.I find it as one of the most straight routes in chennai even though it takes an unwanted 'pradhakshanam' around T Nagar.There has been an instance when even the driver of 12B once forgot the routes due to this 'pradakshanam' at T Nagar.Thankfully,he was guided by the passengers.

It was once in Tiruvottiyur that I got to know the real idiocy of MTC bus routes.I had to proceed to Red Hills from there and I got a shock of my life when I inquired about which Bus I had to board and from which side.People there at the Bus stop said to me that I could board any of the buses on either side !!!(opposites)[i.e I could board a bus that is coming from RIGHT TO LEFT or cross the road and board the bus that is coming from LEFT to RIGHT].Queer is it not ?Literally people were running from one end to another to catch any bus that was on that road. I don't remember the Bus Numbers though but this was one experience that I will never forget !

And not to mention 27D[Foreshore Estate -> Villivaakam].It takes 2.5 hrs to reach Villivaakam.It goes to areas in Chennai you have probably never been.Its that long a route.It goes to Pudupet and Egmore to reach Villivaakam.! I realised the best way to reach Villivaakam is to board a 29C , get down at 'Motcham' and board 27D from there.It is possible that you might catch a 27D bus that left the Foreshore Estate Terminus 2 hours before the latest one.!How pathetic.

Heard of same destination and different routes.? You must board 17 series at Kodambakkam.There is plain 17(which almost like all buses is sometimes suffixed with M to charge a Rupee extra) which reaches Nungambakkam. There is 17M/17D both reach broadway. However one among them reaches broadway via mount road (I forgot which one) and another reaches broadway by going to egmore !
Similar is the case of M21G and 45B[Both Guindy to Anna Square but completely different routes].And there are quite a few buses which ply on the same route but with different numbers. Yes. 1 cut and 21 [Both Central -> Mandaveli(same route)].This is what I like to call ''Catch '21' Situation''!.

I do agree the quality of buses have been improved but think of what all one passenger has to endure in addition to confusing routes.You have to watch the board carefully for the following. For there may be an extra 'M',Extn,Cut, and the most important of them all 'Ladies Special'(more so to avoid embarrassment). These rickety bus rides are lot of fun if you know the shortest possible route.The knowledge comes only through frequent travelling and with some bad experiences.I recently heard that google maps have come up with an app for Chennai's bus routes.! Idhu Thevaiya?.It will further confuse the innocent passengers.

Many feel its too late to modify the bus routes since the routes are now embedded into the blood cells of every MTC passenger and any further modifications will result in further confusion.I only hope the authorities simplify routes and revamp it completely in sync with the ambitious 'Metro Rail' once it starts to function.More so since the unified ticketing system for public transportation (The only good thing that Ponmudy did in 5 years) will now be implemented in Chennai. Just wish some sense prevails.

Cold Rice..

How worse it is to be unemployed at the age of 23...? I sometimes feel shameful.It sometimes tends to affect you emotionally...No denying that it feels pathetic. However , these kind of thoughts occur during the first few days of being officially 'Vetti'... But as in anything , by due passage of time these kind of thoughts and feelings wear off though not compeletely.. You start hearing it often and if you happen to self depreciate yourself (i.e. before others do),believe me it doesn't hurt that much..

The one thing that gives me satisfaction(though touch disappointed) is the fact that I have been busy being vetti (odd na?). There were several things I always wanted to do but never could allocate time for it...I must say I have fulfilled some of them during this time... First and foremost I obtained my driving licence.(Yes.. I also now know when to use the word license and when to use the word licence(which has always wanted to learn and would forget somehow))..I quite surprised myself with the number of books I caught up with. 'Standing My Ground' - Matthew Hayden, The Mahabharatha(finally I read it), The White Tiger and I am halfway through a book which unfortunately brings back some bad memories.. I have desired of maintaining a library of all songs of Illayaraja. I did achieve that partly when I happened to collect around 700 songs from Kamal Hassan movies and I took the pains to have it sorted film wise,director wise, singer wise , music director wise with everything being chronologically listed...and yes.. I finished 'Angry Birds'... I caught up with quite a number of movies.. Almost all releases one could say... Watched Cricket madly.. That is to say not even missing a single ball in a session.. I blogged quite a bit.. I met up with some old friends..

Also as irony would have it , I was invited to attend a seminar on "Work Life Balance".. This was because a lot of people who were to attend backed out( because they had office..!) and I was asked to fill up (by my college mate who works in the firm that conducted the seminar)so that there is at least some size-able crowd... Frankly I went there for the Buffet lunch they had promised to offer.. Alas, I also ended up having food for thought.. I know a lot of people feel that seminars and other such programs are useless.. I am still of the same opinion , but this one was different... Every issue that came up there was which I had already undergone previously which I did not know how to handle... All along the seminar , my thinking was 'Had I known how to handle this before, things could have been different'...

To think that I deserved this break would amount to saying too much.. Simply because , I know a lot of people who deserve a break.. And I know I dont.. But as life would have it , I am now on a pause button.. BUT this button I think is very important to anyone who is emotionally unstable like me.. There is a lot to reflect..You lazily look back at events and try to find faults in your own self..I did.I felt my mistakes were due to age and temper which can easily be put to being immature.. In difficult situations , some people are mature enough early to appreciate the consequence and react accordingly.Some people are overcome by intense anger that their minds cease to think...Easily I belong to the latter category..How much of the past is relevant?. Some are of the opinion that it is totally irrelevant. Learn from the past but do not brood over it say some.Never forget the past say some. I am not sure. But I know that all of us look at the past and surely say 'It could have been better'.I am no different... With all the time I had , I did reflect..


Coming back to vettiness , The secret to enjoy being vetti is the fact that you must not be bored... And I am not bored.. Not yet.. I may be soon.. I know it and that is my fear..:).. Well, Summa irukkarudhu na summa va ?.. It requires talent and I am very talented.. :)