Being Appatucker...

The Moment....

It is special.(Even considering the time delay it took).When the D day arrived ,the usual symptoms like body shake , excessive sweating , loss of appetite etc happened.[I have experienced it 7 times totally..{including PE 1 , PE 2 etc. (These are situations where clarification becomes an absolute necessity)}].(OK.I accept , if you keep on reading my blogs , you would become an expert in BODMAS/BEDMAS rules).Ok.Without digressing further , we will proceed.The result was announced around 12 Noon , but I was refreshing the page every 5 minutes from 8 AM.Now, whoever writes these scripts , I dont know.From 11o Clock , I was inside a conference room , attending an all India Con Call training on FEMA basics.Around 12 Noon , when it became unbearable(combination of frustration of delay of results and irritation because of the monotonous tone of the speaker), the page suddenly refreshed. These are moments in your life when you can actually hear your heart beat.(Even writing about this now sends shockwaves within me).I put the roll no. and the captcha alphanumerics in the correct case(indha tensionla idhu vera), and I hit enter. I saw the result and rest is history....

Immediately I excused myself from the training and called my mother(who gave a reaction like 'OK.. I knew it would happen'!)...And , I stepped out of office and took a stroll on the Nungambakkam High Road , just to experience an 'high' which a professor during my foundation (PE 1) days used to tell. It seems he felt after clearing THE exams as if every passerby at Nungambakkam(Near ICAI) was looking at him and admiring..(nennapu thaan..) He added that he felt as if an entire crowd in a moving bus were popping their heads out and wishing him...He therefore wanted us (all students then) to experience the same.(and for experiencing that, we had to work hard aam). And so I went...

Thereafter.....

The fact of the matter is nothing of that sort happened for me... :(. No one were popping their heads out and wishing me... The truth infact was , even at 1 AM , I was shivering (partly because of the untimely cold weather in Chennai and partly due to {mix of 'end' of nervousness and 'beginning' of excitement.}). However..That too was short lived.I thought I would be on cloud nine if I cleared.But no.. It was just that moment. That's about it.To be frank , there was no 'Kick feeling' at all.(sappunu irundhuchu..). Probably this is how people feel after marriage too??.

I could have written this blog on the day of the result.However, a colleague of mine told me that I feel 'sour' because the *feeling* has not yet sunk in to me. And hence..I waited for sometime to see whether 'it' sinks in somewhat inside me so that I would be able to bring out the complete picture. I gave time to myself , just to see whether the way I felt became different... 3 weeks later .. Here I am.. feeling different , not exactly in the sense my colleague told , but I got a completely new perspective about my life and most importantly , I killed all the demons inside me... I think I am fresh now than ever before with a clear mind.. For me , this result is like finding that one missing piece in an otherwise solved jigsaw puzzle.

Going forward....

The thing with this course is , at the end of four to five years after beginning , you can either become completely haughty or you can become extremely depressed with self doubts looming large all over you. The middle one's are extremely rare to find.The thing about haughtiness is the fact that its like body odour , you wont realise it until others point it out to you.(And it smells bad.) You try to convince yourself that you aren't haughty but you continue to walk two steps above the ground. This is bad but it does minimal damage to the self. Not like its antonym , which is excruciatingly painful.



If you flunk a couple of times (in my case , 2 years before even writing the exams), suddenly the anger in you to prove others wrong would fade , and you would end up proving things to yourself.You would feel insignificant in world.To be frank , for a major part of the past three to four years , I did not live , I existed... You will end up fighting not only the exams , but a battle with yourself. The motivation levels would drop. The evenings would become very depressing. Murphy would seem to be in full form.You start hating life and suicidal thoughts would haunt you.(After one very bad day in office a couple of years back , I actually planned to jump from a suburban train between Kodambakkam and Nungambakkam station.In fact I went and marked a place..!. Thankfully , something stopped me from doing that silly act then.Something inside me said , lets fight it out..To think of that idiocy of mine now seems very funny..)To come out of that and win requires a motivation and determination of a completely different kind(which lesser mortals do not know or understand - Read haughty idiots)... People should understand, every person has his or her own problems for failure... Having a very very low self esteem is surely one very big problem.

Epitome of Self Confidence..

I have always felt that if ever low self-esteem were a physical condition such as cancer or AIDS, or a potentially life-threatening habit like smoking and alcohol and drug abuse,the Goverment would declare a national emergency,pump in massive funds and organise a mass publicity campaign to combat it...Think about it.. 'Confidence' is such a crucial factor to a happy and fulfilling life. It influences your success at work, your family life, relationships and leisure activities.It affects your performance in everything you do. A belief in one's self is without doubt the greatest asset of all.Even great wealth and fame cant compensate for a poor self-image. A Man who doubts himself is like a man who enlists in the ranks of the enemy and bears arms against himself.He makes his failure certain by being the first to be convinced of it. - Alexandre Dumas.

CONFIDEN'T' Karunas explaining how he can correct 1000 figures.. - Importance of Confidence

People who lack confidence and self belief always underachieve.! They're less adventurous and less likely to get most out of life.They are prone to stress related problems , including anxiety (imagine the pressure if that is in addition to CA exam anxiety),eating disorders and mental health problems...

If only I had great articulation skills , I could have given you an heart wrenching story (a la vikraman) but I could not and hence did not. It took a lot of time,effort and pain for me to come out from where I was. I cant confidently say I am out of it completely. However , I have understood , every person has his strength and weakness. Its all about maximising the strength and minimising the weakness.The good thing now is , I have become very cool.I am not at all perturbed about any problem that comes my way (For I have gone through this and there cannot be something worse than this) and I am handling all that with considerable ease. That is good. Very good. I now want to enjoy life. I have missed 2 seasons of IPL , a world cup , SA tour of India, India tour of SA , 2 Champions League , Aus tour of India ,An exciting Ashes etc.. Lot of backlog needs to be cleared... is it not ?:)

Let me accept the fact.Becoming a CA was a dream for me.It has happened ! It is very very important for people to live their dreams. It is a special feeling. Unfulfilled ambitions are the worst thing a person can have... If you want something very very badly , you will get it.. It may come late .. But it will come.. Believe..

Funny how things change with postive results and very ironical that 2012 is synonymous with apocalypse , for it is the year where I begin.(Please.. the world should not end now..)Does this angry young man still feel that life is unfair..?.. Yes.. He does.. He has reasons for it.. In future he may add to that profile of his that life is unfair but its still good..:) Now.. There you see a change..Dont you? (Hopefully , going forward no more depressing posts).. All seems well. Hakuna Matata :)(At least temporarily).

The strength I had during my school and college days vanished in the past four years.. All I want is to regain it. Yes.. I want that CHUTZPAH I once had back... and if that happens.. I am back completely...

"Some failure in life is inevitable.. It is impossible to live without failing in something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well never lived at all.In which case , you failed by default" - J K Rowling

Chennai 600005. - A Love Story.

"The whole thing was played on a low, turning pitch,
Pocked with crescendos rabid and rich....
Wild exultations and then groans of despair,
Appeals to the umpire cutting the air....
When day’s play was over..it wasn’t for me,
The music bowled on and was served up for tea...

Ceaseless discussions on technique and form,
Re-hashes, re-caps and replays were the norm...
Then out to the yard with caps, ball and bat,
And as darkness descended the cries of “howzat”..
Echoed down 'gullies', cleared birds from the thickets,
The volume as loud as in match-winning wickets.." - JAMES MORGAN(modified)


In the usually hot march of 1998 , there was this 10 year old boy ,who bunked school on a friday and went to see a India Vs Australia Test Match at Chepauk along with his uncle.There began his tryst with MAC(Destiny??).

A View of Chennai 600005 (CHEPAUK) from a plane-(Click on the photo to expand)

The excitement had started a week before. 5 days before the test match, I went to the stadium to buy the tickets. I bought two tickets.It was Rs.400 per person for all the 5 days (Expensive those days)in the Essar Stand A of the old MAC. I came back home and gave it to my mom and asked her to keep it very very safe. So.. Where did she keep ?.. She took them and kept it in the drawing room table draw !. Apart from the tickets , the draw contained hairband with some hair , medical bills , tablets , doctor prescription , loose change , provison store list ,EB card etc. It was clumsy to say the least. At School , I would all day think about the safety of the ticket.A lot of things would run in my mind. What if my mother disposes it unknowingly ? What if the someone flicks it ? What if my father accidentally loses it .? What if the ticket was fake.?.. For four days that week , I would rush back home from school and head straight to the draw. I would breathe easily only after seeing it. I would then take the ticket in my hand , go to the window (for sunlight) and look at the hologram of the TNCA affixed from different angles and would satisfy myself that the ticket isn't fake.During nights , I would wake up and on the pretext of going to the bathroom would go the draw and look at the tickets and ensure myself that it is safe. Yes.. It meant so much to me.

A view from Pavilion Terrace - Year 1998

Now , the D DAY arrived. I woke up very very early and was vomiting with excitement all morning. Now my uncle had to accompany me. I spoke to him the previous night and asked him to come early .Now these uncles are always known to disrespect punctuality.He was no different. I was getting restless. He finally came around 8 30 and we both then went to Hotel Sukha Nivas (Right opposite to the apartment that I lived in LUZ) and parcelled Idly's for our lunch. That walk from Sukha Nivas(Luz) to Tirumailai (probably 50 Metres) seemed eternity. When we were waiting for the train to start , people in the train informed us that Azharuddin had won the toss and India would be batting .The train started and finally I reached the stadium at around 10 am. We entered the gates and I was greeted with huge deafening cheer and sounds from loud paper trumpets.It was electric. There were no security checks then as it is nowadays. The ticket checking lady inquired me why I was late. I pointed my fingers at my uncle.She laughed and let us in. We proceeded towards the stairs and the moment for which I was waiting arrived. The first bit of International cricket that I saw was Navjot Singh Sidhu edging a ball from Paul Reiffel between the slips and the echo of the ball crashing into the advertisement boards.Few hours later came a man for whom the entire stadium was waiting. The second wicket had fallen. People were cheering for Sidhu's dismissal !. From a corner I could see... Yes.. There he was... Sachin Tendulkar was making his way in from the Anna Pavillion... This was my first glimpse of God.

At the Victoria Hostel Road Entrance to the Stadium - Anna Pavilion

This series was built as the 'Sachin Vs Warne' series. (That was how it turned out to be in the end.) Sachin Tendulkar came to the crease and he had to face Warne.

Ball 1 -> Sachin stepped out and Cover drove for a Boundary.There was a huge roar. The very first ball that Sachin faced was sent to the boundary.
Ball 2- -> Defence
Ball 3---> Defence
Ball 4---> Defence
Ball 5---> Sachin went for another extravagant cover drive , the ball took the edge and Mark Taylor at the slips catched it at around shoulder height. There was stunned silence. I could actually hear Ian Healy scream with happiness.Sachin was out for 4 from 5 Balls.. !

But that was not the story of this match....

As Murphy would have it,SACHIN hit 155* on the fourth day(Monday) and I was ORDERED to go to school.That 155* was the innings in which he tore Shane Warne apart by slog sweeping him from the rough(footmarks) outside his leg stump.(Practice given by L Sivaramakrishnan).That was the innings in which he first employed his now trademarked paddle sweep to counter the turn from the rough.Ian Chappel regards this innings as the best he has seen from the master.India won the test comfortably , largely due to Sachin.

People trying to see the action through a Vantage Point at Chepauk Railway Station

My Intention through this post is not to revel on the history of the game at Chepauk. That is a job best left to Mohandas Menon's of the game. No one can deny Chepauks significant share in history of the game. People can never forget the Tied test , Dean Jones's near death double century , Saeed Anwar's 194(which has now been broken thrice , Sehwag's 300 on a placid pitch(which I witnessed bunking college)and many more. But according to me , the story of Chepauk is all about three great test matches. One was the test match that I referred above. Second is the test match between India and Pakistan played in 1999. Third is the very famous 2001 Australia Test Match.

The actual View from the Vantage Point - World cup 2011 Eng vs SA

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The second incredible story of MAC happened in the year 1999. This was when Pakistan and India met in bilateral series after a hiatus of 12 years. The atmosphere was tense as these matches were played in the background of Kargil War. This test was completely worth of all the hype surrounding its start. Pakistan team was filled with great bowlers and incredible batting line up and India prior to this series were unbeatable at home. The battle of Sachin with Waqar, Wasim and Saqlain was much talked about prior to the series. The game began and both teams were neck and neck after the first innings. India gained a slender lead of 16 after the first innings.

Pakistan began their second innings on a positive note and in spite of losing wickets at regular intervals, it seemed like they would set India a huge total to chase. Afridi hit a great hundred. Ijaz and Inzamam also chipped in. Pakistan was well on course for a huge total. At 275/4, already leading by 259 India’s chances seemed glum when Venkatesh Prasad probably bowled one of the best spells of his career. He took 6/33 as Pakistan collapsed to 286 as their last 6 wickets fell for just 11 runs. India began their second innings needing 271 to win with more than 2 days to go.

Indian second innings did not get to an ideal start as Waqar dismissed both the Indian openers with just 6 runs on the board as Sachin Tendulkar joined Rahul Dravid in the middle. Both these players took India to safety without further loss and it was all set for a brilliant 4th day.

Sachin backed himself up against his longtime nemesis Waqar & Wasim. Sachin's determination was more fierce than Chennai's heat. The wicket turned out to be a two-paced one. When the fast bowlers bowled it was reverse swinging and when the spinners bowled the ball turned square.

I did not go to this match.I was watching it on TV. Wasim Akram’s peach on the fourth morning went through the wall’s defenses (A Video of this dismissal is put in one of my previous blog posts) as India was in early trouble at 50/3. Azhar and Ganguly (one pitch catch it was) got out to poor decisions to leave India tottering at 82/5 when Nayan Mongia walked out to join Sachin Tendulkar.

Both these players saw India through to lunch and in a sedate partnership took India to tea with 5 wickets still in hand.After tea,the mood changed, Sachin and Mongia had decided to attack and the runs flowed quickly and India were racing towards the target. It was exhilarating to watch the proceedings as the bowling attack of Pakistan was brilliant and the world’s best player was involved in a fierce battle to win the game for his country. Those who witnessed this innings must consider themselves privileged . Sachin was counter attacking Saqlain on a wicket which was turning square. He was battling back spasm too in the middle of all this which made this innings even greater.

Sachin during his 'backbone' innings against Pakistan - 1999

India was 218/5 with just 53 to get and we could see Pakistan losing hope. They had taken the new ball to no avail as Mongia and Sachin were scoring runs at a fair clip. This is when Mongia decided to display one of the biggest brain freezes of his career. Trying to loft Wasim over the top, got himself caught at mid-off leaving a struggling Sachin to take India to victory along with the tail. Anshuman Gaekwad, the then coach in an interview later said that if he was in charge of selection , he would have dropped Nayan Mongia straight away. Sachin got out to Saqlain trying finishing the game with only 13 needed and the Indian tail collapsed in a hurry as India fell short of the Pakistan total.It was Hari (My Neighbour) , a class XII Vidya Mandir student then , who explained to me what Saqlain was planning. He said he expected Sachin to go over long on/mid wicket area as the long on was removed and brought in. He also said Saqlain would lure him with flight and he said he expected a leading edge if Saqlain bowled a doosra . And that exactly happened.!(What a cricketing acumen he had.! I realised it was not cricket I was watching , but Chess.)The criticism that Sachin is incapable of finishing matches started from here. And the now famous 'Sachin century adicha thotruvom' began from here. After battling for close to 7 hours , the Great Man had to depart, reason - one bad shot. After a display of divine batsmanship, a needless shot ended it all. Truly it was a heartbreaking loss and a very hard one to take as if you are an Indian fan. It was so near yet so far for the Indian team.However, The story of this match does not end here too.

When the game was over unlike all the other grounds in India, in spite of an Indian loss the crowd stuck around. The Chennai crowd rose in appreciation of the Pakistan team as the victorious neighbors took a victory lap in India. Who would have thought that it was even possible? It was a brilliant moment as the fans clapped till the end and it was a victory for the game. Sharayaar Khan , the manager of the Pakistan team then , now a diplomat wrote in his the following "Before the 1999 series it was winning that mattered and not the skill and art of cricket. Post-1999 (Chennai Standing Ovation)things changed and perhaps for the first time the attitude of fans and players of the two countries underwent a sea change.The reaction of the Pakistanis to the behaviour of the Chennai crowd after Pakistan won the Test match in cricket was one of awe." Cricket is a sport and it’s beyond borders and the crowd that day proved the same.

The very famous Standing Ovation given by Chennai crowd to Pakistani players during their victory lap - Something that was unimaginable in the background of 'Kargil' episode.

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Dravid unleashing champagne after winning the 2001 Border Gavaskar Trophy - Anna Pavilion

The third incredible story of Chepauk to me is the third test of the 2001 Border Gavaskar Trophy. I desperately wanted to watch this.(After what happened in Kolkotta, who would not desire?).I still remember myself and Kedharnath literally begging for tickets from my class teacher (Kalyani Srinivasan Ma'm). She had once hinted , someone close to her was a TNCA member.But she disappointed saying there was too much demand and it was impossible.

Sachin with the Border-Gavaskar Trophy 2001.

However, a guy named Deepak Kochar who was in C section in school , gave me the ticket for the second day. And so I went. The things that I saw that day I cannot forget. The first day was a boring day with only 3 wickets falling and Australia slamming 330 odd runs. During the second day , all the Australians were all out before lunch with Harbhajan and Sachin taking the remaining 7 wickets.

Steve Waugh and his team mates appreciating the crowd after they lose a thriller

The most famous dismissal was of Steve Waugh's who was given out 'Handling the ball'. Remember , there were no screens in the stadiums those days and I thought it was LBW only to be corrected by a fellow spectator who had radio with him.

Steve Waugh Dismissed -Handling the Ball

I could not watch Sachin's batting (who once again scored a Century) as Shiv Sundar Das and Rahul Dravid saw the day through. What happened the rest of the test match , I need not say. Its embedded in our veins. So.India won by 2 wickets and quite fittingly Harbhajan hit the winning runs.

Bhajji hitting the winning runs - Scenes etched in memory (2001)

It was the series that changed Indian Cricket forever..


There are other matches at Chepauk that are worth talking about too.There was this ODI against England that I went when I was in Class 9. Myself , Mithran and Kedhar went to that match. I still remember Mr. Neelakantan (Then Principal), granting me holiday for stating the truth that I was indeed going for the match.This was the match in which the big screen(showing replays) was first installed for a match in India. TNCA had brought this from MCG and it replaced the traditional old scoreboard near the D stand.

Also , I have witnessed 2nd Day of the test match between India and Australia in 2004(Courtesy: Kamesh who gave the tickets). This was the famous series where Aussies finally conquered the 'final frontier'.This test match was a shame since , the last day was washed out with rain and India needed 200 odd runs with all 10 wickets intact. I have witnessed Lara batting here and hitting a 50. This happened when I was in college. It was an ODI match in 2007.What an experience that was.


Also , can we forget the chase of 387 against England in 2008(the test match which was shifted to Chennai after Mumbai Blasts) where Sachin and Yuvraj took India home after Sehwag's blitzkrieg 80 odd.Not surprisingly, this is a test match that I missed.It was like Sachin answering the demons of 1999 from the very place where he could not finish it off.

Sachin , Yuvraj and the Scoreboard - Says it all

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I am not dwelling on the IPL. Afterall its a domestic competition.We are happy that Chennai's Super Kings are the Manchester United of IPL.Ask Michael Hussey or Doug Bollinger , they will confirm that they are loved here more than they can even imagine in Australia.The only IPL match that I saw was CSK vs Kochi Tuskers Kerala.(That was the last match that a franchise called Kochi Tuskers played.)

The IPL Fever - Sea of Yellow

And as we all now know , the stadium is renovated and its looking good.Previously it was a concrete jungle. Now better. Much better.Great stands , full seating (unlike squatting). However the G , H and I stands (empty yellow chairs that you often witness ) are not allowed to be occupied and we hear that this is because CMDA approval were not obtained for erecting those stands.

View from 'A' Stand during Ranji match(TN vs Haryana)

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There is however a thing about this beautiful Chepauk (apart from the stinking Buckhingam Canal that runs closeby)that irks me. Yes.. from the year 1996 to 2011 ,the MLA of Chepauk constituency was this person named M.Karunanidhi. Enough said I guess. Ha ha...

Now each one of us have got their own story about the magic we experience at Chepauk , dont we ?.. Hoping the Chepauk Magic Continues.

During the India Vs WI ODI on Dec 11th 2011 - View from 'D' Upper

Cricket lovely Cricket,
At MAC where I first saw it;
Cricket lovely Cricket,
At MAC where I first saw it;
Warne tried his best
But Sachin won the Test.
They gave the crowd plenty fun;
It was the 'First Test' and India Won.

Snow Therapy...

They reached the hotel just before the nightfall.The tiredness of the journey was nullified on sight of snow.It was the first time in their lives that they had seen snow in real.Kashmir was much beyond their imagination....

They checked into their room. The night had set in.The room resembled a wood house.The walls had been painted brown and textured accordingly to give that effect.The room had a fireplace.There was no fan. Thankfully there was no TV.He ordered their dinner through room service.The room boy was bewildered... No tourist has visited Kashmir in deep winter.. On his request the room boy lit the fire at the fire place and left.The fire was soothing...

As an outsider one both loves and hates an average Kashmiri winter. The cold is severe that the hands become clammy and the chill forces one to breathe into his/her own hands to keep them warm .The warmth is temporary. One has to repeat the process a few minutes later because cold takes over again. Suddenly all you long for are warm covers or the sensation of a summer sun of Chennai..! But again,when one experiences the rise of the mercury in the valley, it is depressing. For everyone comes here to escape the heat and they hate the sun.Locals differ though.

He now turned towards her.She was admiring the hot red flames; their constant dancing was calming her nerves. They had trudged through the snow and now basked in the warmth in the cozy room. Bitter cold existed behind the closed door; and now, as she looked, there seemed to be frozen icicles hanging from the gutters. To her, it seemed, two sides on a coin; the first, the wet, miserable weather outside where only snow falling in dizzying speed existed. And in here, where one instantly felt as if they had stepped in a warm bath.The heat from the fireplace warmed them as she slowly gazed out the room window. She could make out that frost covered the edges of the window and snow was falling gently from the sky. As far as she could see, the ground was covered in a thick blanket of snow...

He went to his bed with hope as the only one thing in his mind... The Doctor had said high altitude would cure her...Hence of all the places the doctor had recommended , Kashmir was his choice...Sometimes he felt the doctor's argument irrational.Even the doctor had said once science does have limited explanations.... And.. Just before he closed his eyes, he looked at her once more. She appeared tranquil. Surely altitude has had some effect on her and he only hoped that the serenity of the place cured her insanity once for all...!